


In Love, May You Find The Next

by DAImonic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - no Mount Weather, Angst with a Happy Ending, Azgeda, Badass Clarke, Blood and Violence, Dark Lexa, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Guilt, Minor Character Death, Protective Lexa, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2019-10-24 22:22:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17712734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAImonic/pseuds/DAImonic
Summary: In a season 1 canon divergence where Mount Weather never existed… Lexa, still yearning the loss of Anya amidst the ring of fire, pledges on her life to retaliate on the sky people. But it isn’t until she captures a blonde who also happens to be the leader among the people from that fateful clan does her worldly perspectives begin to spiral in a clash of fluttering emotions.ORThe one where Lexa falls hard for someone she should have killed at first sight.





	1. Rough beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers, this is my first ever Clexa story... well actually, first ever fan-fiction... EVER. While I do enjoy the Mount Weather plot element, there are too many really good fanfics out there of post Mount Weather Clexa like "Fossilized and Silent" so I decided to take a different approach with my story. Hope you enjoy!

Lexa had only felt rage this infuriating once before.

It was the kind that lends you the perceptive strength to bend metal and crush steel. The searing white rage was overbearing as she stood on top of the narrow valley, war paint on, fists balled, and peering down into the misty valley with a deadly gaze. Everything had stilled and all she felt were the chaotic beats of her chest pulsing vociferously within her ears like a boisterous war drum.

<[]>

Four weeks ago, in what was supposed a decisive victory over the people that dropped from the sky on her territory and subsequently burned her villages to the ground, Lexa came to the haunting realization that she had been instead, the one that ultimately sent Anya and the three hundred warriors to their fiery grave. _Was this defeat preventable?_ Perhaps maybe if she had given more time to scout around the Sky people's camp, they would have found out about the hidden flame weapons. The shell shocked expression on a lone surviving warrior that reported back still haunted her upon catching sight of the heavy burn marks across his charred torso and ashed face. The warrior looked so disfigured that it took a moment before Lexa recognized him and the message he managed to bring back practically ripped away from her last remnants of sanity. First, she had lost Costia, _her Costia_ to the Azgeda, and now Anya. Just like that, Lexa had managed to let go the only two people in this world that meant something to her while taking her position as commander, as a person who held absolute power. It took a heavy toll on her emotional self and the mere thoughts of it was tormenting. While Costia had been the first one to meticulously slip under her walls that seemingly shielded against all emotional affection, Anya was her whole family. She was the mentor who have raised Lexa from her dejected childhood, supporting her to the position she is in now. And the ring of fire initiated by the sky people had scorched her body into to ashes, in fact, it had scorched all three hundred warriors sent by Lexa to wipe them out. The perished warriors were a part of families and friends within the clans of her massive coalition and they now called for blood as the news of defeat escalated out. She had every intention to honor their pleadings as it was to fulfill her own painstaking vengeance.

Time doesn’t ease away her pain and Lexa wasn't unfamiliar to this, being constantly terrorized by the horrifying visions and trances she would fall into without control. Time only stalled the pain for her. Hauntings of Anya’s charred figure, her face burned beyond recognition and the dead stare of her eyes came worst during the night and these images always found a way to linger in the dark corners of her mind. Lexa knew how to keep her composure with her generals and ambassadors, but beneath the Heda persona, she often had to take time off from her day to venture out of her clan in TonDC to fulfill her need to hunt and dkill or find peace within her hidden paradise. Lexa needed to stain her hands with blood after all that she had endured embracing her poisoned thoughts and cloud filled judgments.

The sky people did have a leader, a woman apparently, remembering what Anya had reported back from her hostile exchange on the river bridge before all the deadly chaos. Then without warning, thoughts of Nia flooded her mind. The thought of how their leader could be someone similar to the cold and vile woman sent angry tremors down her spine. She was going to answer first, with her arduous death. The fate of the her and her sky invaders was sealed, and blood will ultimately be answered with blood.

<[]>

Two weeks had passed since the ring of fire. Word of the tragic event had already radiated like wildfire reaching to the farthest corners of her coalition. At a time when many people believed in the power within the commander of death, the sky leader had been subsequently deemed the new Wanheda who commanded death and destruction. Originally, It had been Lexa’s intent to amass another attack on Skaikru as soon as possible, but two more sky ships had crash-landed in close proximity to the Sky people’s camp before her plans could come to fruition. From the information brought back by her scouts, the ships had carried more people and the Skaikru population has since multiplied by the hundreds which only since intensified to her growing frustrations.

While Lexa controlled over tens of thousands of warriors within her coalition, the clan ambassadors now all seemed hesitant on contributing more forces in the fight against Skaikru. The apparent unpredictability factor that came with their technology and increased numbers proved to be too much of a concern for a counsel of damn cowards. But either way, Lexa was losing the support of the other clans and the tension within the ice nation begin to stir once more with some starting to question her absolute rule as commander.

Feeling the weight of the clans beginning to crush her, she was forced to act with the only warriors she’s got from her native clan, Trikru.

The window for her retaliation became smaller day by day as the support from her people dwindled while the Skaikru only grew stronger.

More time had passed between then and just when things were looking grim, her scouts reported back that they had been recently able to pinpoint a specific patterning in Skaikru movements from the other sky ship crash site and back to their main encampment every other week for the past week. While the motives behind such movements were uncertain, it had been heavily emphasized that they were being led by the Wanheda.

Quint, the lone surviving warrior from the ring of fire had confirmed it so, that it was indeed the leader from that fateful day when he was sent by Lexa on the most recent scouting mission days ago. This information had suddenly piqued Lexa interest since she had been trying to find a way to initiate an attack without having the face entirely to Skaikru head on. In the way that their movements had suggested throughout the past week by her scouts, they had to pass a narrow valley to reach across to the other sky ship giving Lexa a perfect opportunity for an ambush.

Lexa had dreamed upon this confrontation with the commander of death forever for weeks on and today was the day she stood on top of the valley with a hundred of her Trikru warriors, face masked with a terrifying display of war paint meant to strike only the truest fear in her enemy’s eyes.

She had gone her typical commander attire clad with tight fitting garments along with loose shoulder plating, corset waist belt extending up to her chest, vambrace, black pants stretching down under thigh boots and a black and red cape that split down in the middle from her shoulders. Her armor, while dainty, was meant to maximize her speed and agility in battle. She was a terrifying display of red and black and the piercing viridescent glare she put forth gave the look of intimidation a new meaning.

As Lexa’s scouts had already reported a sighting of Skaikru movement 2 miles from the valley and Lexa could just feel her body tense up in dire anticipation. She was going to bring the wrath of the commander.

<[]>

In the distance, as Lexa could just about sense the soft rumbling of movement, she signaled for her warriors to get in position with a swift hand motion. After years of battle, her people from her own clan were very accustomed to how she commanded and they all dispersed immediately without hesitation.

“Indra stay” Lexa commanded. “Our scouts have confirmed to have seen Wanheda?”

Indra nodded once, “With her hair, she was hard to miss.”

By now, a group of a few dozen Skaikru has appeared out from under the shade of the heavy forest and Lexa and Indra along with the rest of her archers on top of the valley ducked down behind bush coverings.

As Lexa scanned the group from afar fast approaching the rugged rock valley, her eyes had instantly locked on to, a figure, walking beside a floppy-haired boy towards the front of the group just behind three gunners. While Lexa had never met the supposed Wanheda, only basing from vague descriptions that Anya had provided to her of the Skaikru leader, seeing her figure from afar was a completely different experience. Even with the hood, hiding her facial features from plain sight, the golden locks spilling out from around the sides of her cover just glinting under the sun made her stand out like a lion among a horde of hyenas.

Golden hair was supposedly an extremely rare type of hair color among the people on the ground within her massive coalition and even 'rare' would be a bit of a stretch. Blondes were outright a myth, a legend that elders would speak of in referencing to the events before Praimfaya. Seeing it now glaringly obvious from below, this was something that Lexa would have never dreamed to witness in a lifetime.

“That’s her” Indra whispered, motioning towards the front of the group. "... Heda?"

“Y...y-you were right, she isn’t one to be missed” Lexa quickly recovered through her stoic demeanor though a flint of curiosity had begun to nudge into her head, “ready the swordsmen and horses and wait for my signal fire.”

Indra only nodded her head once before swiftly turning around and disappearing out of the bushes behind her. Lexa sneaked a last glance towards the incoming sky people before joining with the rest of the archers up top. She inhaled a deep shuddering breath calming her nerves

I will not fail this time.

Lexa had split her forces into 3 groups, with the archers stationed up atop the valley, a group of foot warriors set up at the end of the valley, and the last group of horsemen led by Indra stationed within a ravine that cut along the mid-section of the valley. To the unsuspected, the valley would seem rather peaceful and lifeless and that was what Lexa had wanted. But once the Skaikru enter the valley and walk past the hidden entrance of the ravine, they would be surrounded and vulnerable to attack from all directions with no escape routes, leaving little opportunity for a full out retaliation with their guns. It was a tactical plan, to say the least.

The Skaikru had finally made their way within the valley now and with her eyes still intensely trained on the blonde, Lexa could sense a shift within her posture, as if she had a sixth sense for danger.

The blonde suddenly seemed to motion with hands at the Skaikru guards on the front of them and everyone halted. The tension in the atmosphere surrounding them rose to a staggering level and Lexa knew in mind that their presence did not come unknown. The Skaikru was not in the position that Lexa planned previously for the ambush as they still haven’t fully passed the ravine hiding Indra’s horsemen. The archers stationed on both sides of the valley notched their arrows at the ready. Just a few steps farther. Lexa mouthed under her breath in anticipation but as she saw that some of the people within the valley started to turn around, she took a deep breath. They weren't in perfect position but it was now or never.

“Archers loose!” Lexa roared.

As soon as the command has left her lips, a rain of arrows stormed down heavily upon Skaikru, finding their targets. Within seconds, multiple gunners already lay dead with fatal arrow wounds in the head or chest areas. Panic suddenly arose, and chaos ensued from below. The remaining Skaikru gunners blindly opened fire around their surroundings trying to pinpoint the direction of the attacks. At the sight, Lexa pulled a mischievous smile from her lips seeing the inexperience of their targets. She pulled out an arrow, lit it on fire, and shot the flaming arrow high up into the sky, signaling the other warriors and the awaiting horsemen stationed within the ravine.

Without missing beat, hollering came about as Indra led her horsemen charging to the side of the Skaikru group that looked to panicking like wild cats. Her targets wasn’t quite surrounded on both sides but if they ran, they all would never be able to outrun her warhorses charging at their backs. Upon noticing that while her warriors on the ground were still taking heavy hits from the gunfire, she was quickly reassured to see that her archers had subsequently made quick work of the rest of the gunners with the second round of arrows.

“Hold.” Lexa commanded the archers from the top of the valley, not wanting her warriors to get within the crossfire.

While scanning through the battlefield, Lexa’s line of vision was instantly pulled once again to the blonde who had a gun raised and shot at the horse of a horseman that was about to trample a Skaikru boy on the ground. The shots seemed to find their target as the horse collapsed down into the ground, causing the rider on top to crash down as well. She then appeared to gaze down at her weapon before tossing it away and rushing over to check on the boy. At the quick motion, the hood fell off her head revealing the full length of her blonde locks and Lexa was falling into another trance, except this trance wasn’t another one of her nightmarish visions, rather... a dazed stupor.

The blonde is, no, the commander of death is just a girl? Lexa couldn't help but scuff at her previous conjectures of the blonde sharing similarities with the cold Ice Queen, feeling somewhat relieved and terrified at the same time.

Even from a distance where the blonde's features were not completely decipherable, she was a standout among the commotion below.

The girl swiftly picked up a discarded sword on the ground and pulled the boy away just as she came in face of a massive Triku swordsman standing a few yards away, sizing her up. She seemingly froze at the sight before releasing the boy to latch on the sword with both hands in somewhat of a makeshift combat stance. Lexa flinched at the sight of the surprising confidence and lure radiating off the blonde and for an instant, time seemed to stalled before her eyes.

She quickly recognized the warrior from the heavy burns still marked across his face... ah Quint. He was one of her more imprudent fighters who frequently used his sheer size and to overpower his opponents but the injuries he sustained from the ring of fire had significantly weakened his legs. But that didn't seem to dissuade the warrior as he pounced forward like a hound, quickly closing the distance within two large strides before cleaving his large sword at the blonde. The girl had just managed to parry the blow with the upward swing of her blade and spun around to swiftly land a hit of her own at the thigh of her attacker. The girl seemed to be surprisingly capable, for a sky person at least, from the way she wielded her sword, but Lexa could still tell from her positioning that hinted of inexperience in real combat. The scratch hardly drew an effect on Quint, who just persisted on advancing to engage his next attack. Watching the blonde skirmish around the warrior remind her much of a angelic princess, the way she nimbly maneuvered around Quint’s powerful thrusts and the way her hair gracefully danced around forming a golden halo around her head. Lexa could and should have been on the ground below fighting with Indra and rest of her people, but her body clearing had other ideas as she stood, fixed on top of the valley at her position of command.

After several exchanges between the two, the giant warrior seemed to tire as his attacks began to appear sluggish and imprecise. The girl had kept herself at a safe distance and when Quint lunged again instinctively, she took the opportunity to sidestepped behind him and slashed at his lower thigh sending the enormous warrior tumbling to the ground. Lexa quickly reached out for her bow as the girl staggered with exhaustion over to the warrior on the ground with her sword drawn. It took a second to fully concentrate on her aim and seeing how the girl was accountable after all for her fallen warriors, Lexa couldn’t allow more death to fall under her own hands and especially not under the hands of the Wanheda. If now was not the best time to lodge an arrow through the girl’s heart, to fulfill her obligation to her people and herself, and to make peace with the nightmares ripping at her soul, she didn’t know what was. Stupid blondes. But what escalated made Lexa freeze once again in her movements. The blonde quickly ran past Quint to shield him from the same boy she saved earlier, who now had a gun pointed at the warrior on the ground clutching his leg. Lexa still had her bow drawn but her fingers were frozen on place seemingly held back by a hidden moral conscious in the back of her head.

The sky above them darkened and as Lexa turned her head of inspect further, she spotted the first signs of a rumbling storm approaching from a close distance. At that instant, more shouting seemed to have pulled her attention back to the fighting as every one of the remaining Skaikru began to turn and retreat towards the entrance of the valley.

“Blow it charges now. We need a distraction first… Clarke has the smoke grenades!” Lexa heard from her vantage point.

Clarke has the smoke what?

Just when Lexa had caught on and scanned over to see to the source of the shouting, her eyes widened for perhaps the fifth time today. There were Skaikru people working at planting something on the sides of the narrow valley near the entrance and their actions had gone undetected while she was dazing at the blonde. Whatever it was that they were planning, it couldn’t be good as she knew the Skaikru were dangerously unpredictable with their assortment of weaponry. Before Lexa opened her mouth to shout orders, a gust of white smoke filled the valley below and it was shortly followed by 4 continuous loud detonations that rocked the ground beneath her feet.

All that went through Lexa’s head was the fear that all had gone wrong again. She had the Skaikru under her fingertips, and yet Lexa stood like a statue on top of the valley glancing helplessly down at the fog covered valley. If only, she had gone down there instead, if only she had more self-control to withdraw from her trance... shit! She heard confused shouts and grunts, but no hints of struggle or shots fired or the clinging of swords. She then signaled for the archers to stand their ground.

The minutes went by painfully slow as Lexa paced back and forth with eyes still scanning the fog below hoping that it would fade away. The feel of the air changed around them as the first of tiny breezes and raindrops began prickling at her skin. The darkened clouds were soon to follow bringing the promise of rain that landed over the valley, clearing away the obstructing view of the white fog. There stood the rest of her army of warriors, alive, but they were blocked off by a wall of rocks and boulders that had broken off the sides of the stone valley near the entry point. The Skaikru were nowhere to be seen and Lexa shut her eyes in exasperation. More shouting came from below and Lexa quickly reopened her eyes to catch on the blonde still laying at the same place Lexa saw her, but she held on to something in her hand with white fumes simmering out seemingly deterring the warriors around her as they kept their distance. Lexa had instantly caught on to what had happened as she started to piece together what she heard from the shouting earlier. The blonde was Clarke and the white fog was her doing to be the distraction. As lovely as the name sounded under her lips, the tides of her wrath had now evolved into a tsunami that crashed over her head and Lexa chastised herself for not killing her the moment she was given the chance.

Lexa made quick work of the rocky terrain as she hopped and skid down the side of the valley with ease landing with a silent thud at foot of the canyon. By then, Indra and her warrior's hand formulated a circle around the sky girl and their eyes were all locked on to their Heda as she marched towards them.  
Lexa heard only silence from the middle of the crowd and as some of her warriors and horsemen saw her approach, they fanned out to make way for the scene in the middle. The blonde girl had now found yet another sword to clung on to while her other hand still held the smoky object and her eyes wearingly darted around to her surroundings until they locked in with Lexa standing before her.

Oh god.

The blonde’s beauty was unmistakable, her eyes, in the brightest shade of blue that Lexa had ever seen, comparable to the purest qualities of the soaring sky, so uncovered yet so mystifying. Her skin tone possessed a milky white complexion but that only seemed to bring out the color of her eyes even more. The girl’s scorching glare rocked her emotional currents, and before Lexa could breathe, she was lost and drowning under the gaze.

If not those eyes, then it was the luscious golden hair cascading down the curve of her neck with the fluidity of a waterfall. Lexa kept her face as solemn as ever, but she was burning up on the inside as the god-like spectacle of a girl stood before her eyes. Lexa hated being stuck in this situation, she hated her stupid fucking blue eyes, her golden hair, and her impeccable face, her shapely body, and the paralyzing effect the girl had on her was insufferable.

“You‘re the one who burned three hundred of my warriors alive,” Lexa deadpanned before she lost herself completely.

The blonde seemed at lost in her words as she also seemed to take in the commander before her eyes with what it appeared to be, awe?

“Well, you are the one who sent them to kill us.” The blonde snapped back, scowling. Her eyes had momentarily had lost its glimmer.

Lexa really didn’t need another reminder of the past, she was indeed the one to have sent them, but she also might as well have given the kill order that condemned them all to their death, Anya’s death. These thoughts had plagued her mind every night for the past week and she couldn't stand to have anyone never less Wanheda be the one to remind her of her inner conflicting demons.

“And so, you will answer to their deaths too, Wanheda.” She then pulled out her own pairs of swords from its cross sheath and circled around the blonde like a shark circling its prey as rain continued to pour. For some reason, this girl felt different, but it had distracted her away from her duties as commander to many times today and the sooner she was gone from her conscious, the better.

Other than expressing a brief hint of bewilderment upon having heard her name, the girl remained unfazed, dropping her smoke bomb and stood her ground while clutching the hilt of her sword with white knuckles in anticipation. After two laps around her target to spot any sign of clear weaknesses, Lexa readjusted her footing on the muddy field and went on the offensive. Adrenaline shot through her veins as she launched herself forward with a growl towards the blonde. Lexa spun in midair initiating a series of three slashes in rapid succession in motion to the waves of a tornado and in sync to the booming of the thunder up above, finishing the sequence with a downward strike of her sword that had forced her opponent to block using two hands on either side of her sword.

The girl however swift and nimble on her feet only seemed to evade the incoming attacks, never to launch a strike of her own. Very uncharacteristic of the commander of death. Lexa shook her thoughts to the side and pressed forward again. After another barrage of aggressive swipes, she had the blonde retreating back towards the edge of the encircling. Sensing the open opportunity, Lexa sent a hard kick to the blonde’s chest, sending the girl sprawling back on to her butt.

The sky overhead grew darker and the storm pounded harder. Angry flashes of lightning periodically lit up the sky and the deafening thunder cracked in sync to the clattering of swords as the warriors surrounding them cheered and hollowed with swords raised high above their heads. Lexa was finally able to close in on the girl now trapped within her own space. As Lexa loomed over the blonde’s crumpled sitting figure, she stared into the azure orbs of the girl and could sense a hint of fear in them. Lexa felt a tinge of guilt upon the sight, but she knew that it was these feelings that caused the horrid outcome of today’s events and without a second thought, she dropped her left blade to raise the right sword with both hands in the air. She brought the blade down in an overhead arc, rippling through the air with such force and speed that when the blonde tried to bring her own sword up in a futile attempt to shield herself from the attack, her blade shattered upon impact of Lexa’s sword. Bits and pieces of the blade sprinkled around her sitting figure into the muddy ground. She then brought her leg up and kicked hard at the shocked girl who still sat staring at her shattered blade. The blonde’s cry of pain was lost beneath the thunder that rolled overhead as the side of her body hit the ground.

This is wrong… came a voice that whispered within Lexa’s head as she looked down and saw a girl for the first time, a girl not much younger than her, a girl that she realized resembled nothing like a commander of death. This is wrong… the voices ensued, becoming louder as she grabbed a handful of the once golden hair now discolored a reddish brown possibly due to a mixture of blood and mud, and dragged the writhing girl towards the sidewall of a valley. The blonde yelped in reaction to the force that Lexa exerted but to her pained relief, the storm has a wondrous quality of dampening the cries. _This is wrong_ … the voice now an adequate volume called within her head as she wrapped her other around the girl’s neck, pulling her up and pinning her soft frame on the side of the rocky valley. Weak hands fumbled helplessly at Lexa’s iron grasp that digged into the pulse point of the girls neck. She could feel the pulses from her constricting fingers and while this gave her a sense of corruptive dominance, it also seemed to be the impetus for those voices in her head. She could almost imagine squeezing the life out of this doll of a girl in her fit of rage... and it she suddenly wasn't feeling like herself, she saw Nia instead standing there in place of her with those same set of hands and eyes cold as ice. _T_ _he ice queen viewed cruelty as pleasure after all._ The blonde’s soft whimpering only added to the guilt already building within her stomach and she could have sworn to have seen tears rolled down the girl’s face in anguish on the front of her disguised under the punishing rain.

"Do you even remember them? Tell me you regret it... the merciless slaughtering of my warriors." Lexa was waiting for a response but it seemed that the girl wouldn't be giving one so she pushed harder.

"You took away one of the only people that mattered to me in this wretched world and I command you to answer me!” She couldn't control the venom that radiating from her booming voice pouring out her emotions along with it. Her lashes at the girl were impulsive and she had never felt this much out of control. Lexa pressed harder on the throat of the blonde feeling the pulse quicken beneath her wet palms and she was shaking. The girl’s gasps for air were muted under the rumbling of the storm.

Lexa pulled out a short blade.

To her surprise, the blonde was able to rasp out words against the choking hand “I had to watch, as half of my people were burned alive. Not everyone made in time and they… they were just everywhere.” The blonde coughed, and Lexa loosened the grip of her hand by the slightest of margins, “I closed the latch so that the rest of my people could live. It haunts me, it haunts...” The voice of the girl fell, but not before Lexa caught the injured expression in those boundless eyes once more, a gaze that conveyed genuine sorrow, and hell if time were to stop at that very moment, She would have been glad to study into the familiarity of those eyes for the rest of eternity.

Lexa still clutched the short blade in her right hand. This is wrong… the voice has now formulated into something that vaguely sounded like Anya’s voice. She began recollecting how the girl protected Quint, how she protected the boy, how she never shot to kill, and how she used herself as a distraction for the escape of the rest of her people. Thinking back what the blonde had just sputtered, what she went through compared to the things that Lexa experienced couldn’t be more similar as the Heda of her people. The sky was hanging so low that she felt claustrophobic under the compressing space and the rising tensions.

She took a deep shuttering breath, angled the knife in her hand and plunged the blade forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay note to the Tags before you all kill me pls :) (Clexa happy ending)
> 
> And yes, the tension doesn't end there sooo stay tuned for the next chapter!


	2. Shifting dynamics

Lexa could have never thought that this day would come to be more unexpected.

It had certainly felt like she was cursed into a life of eternal struggle and suffering. What else could explain why she is constantly ensnared into these problematic situations? There should have been the dead bodies of Skaikru littering the ground but instead, the misty valley before her eyes lay bare and desolate. She hadn’t noticed the hollering and the chanting around them to “slay Wanheda… take her power!” The storm and crackling thunder above have taken care of a good portion of the noise but furthermore, it was the mystical force field surrounding the two of them as Lexa stifled the blonde that removed her completely away from this current reality. Staring down the blonde before her, Clarke’s features had now turned fierce, expressing a tinge of defiance, but it had been her eyes that had betrayed her. Her eyes conveyed something along the fields of… resignation and acceptance as if she was expecting this to happen when she set herself up for the distraction to help her people escape.

The blonde had sought this, and she knew better than to let the commander of death have her way. Lexa had wanted to hear their leader pathetically pleading for her life as she held the knife, she wanted to be cruel for once in her life, but then again, that would been too easy and nothing in her life currently seemed to flow her way, almost like a river that would chose to twist and turn around boulders multiple times before continuing downstream. Instead, there remained this lingering guilty emotion that wouldn’t go away. The type of guilt that stirred confusing hurricanes within her head.

Lexa still clutched the blade in her right hand and Clarke was beginning to collapse under the iron grasp. Before her mind had time to process anything else, she drove the blade forward with deafening speed, past the girl.

Metal clanked on stone. The knife fell from her hands and was immediately submerged under the thick mud and rain.

 _It had missed her target and perhaps it was intended._ The mere thought made her sulk in defeat at her weakness.

Lexa removed her hold on Clarke's neck and in her weakened state, the girl's head instantly drooped. Her hands relaxed from Lexa’s forearms, falling to her sides as if she was relieved but the blonde's body continue to slack before falling forward. The had caught Lexa completely off guard but she removed her grip nevertheless and caught the blonde in her arms as if on impulse. And curse the spirits did her body feel warm, very warm, a almost pleasant welcome, and while she didn’t sense the coldness before, it was obvious now with the chilly raindrops prickling at her skin in the spaces not filled by Clarke's drowsy embrace. Lexa froze at the feeling of insuppressible lust that suddenly seemed to overtake her… pulling at her shadowy desires to ravish this girl at her most vulnerable moments… out of anger of course. Desire is a funny concept, not something Lexa would usually afflict herself with.

“Clarke.” It wasn’t merely a question as it was a request. A request to let go. She can't be seen in this questionable position on front of her people.

But the blonde didn’t speak nor move a muscle. Exasperated, Lexa moved her hand down her lower waist to push away Clarke, who was currently buried in her chest, but something had caught her mid-movement. Her right hand had felt sticky wetness where it moved down. It definitely wasn’t just the wetness of the rain and as Lexa looked down, her heart did an erratic movement. Hot red blood, and lots of it by the way her palms and forearms were covered in a glaring stain of  crimson. Her eyes shifted to the source of this blood and her head was spinning all over again. The blonde had a huge gash on the side of her waist and a blood pool had now begun to collect at the base of their intertwined feet. Lexa’s head was running at a mile per minute until she finally realized. The fragments of the blade… possibly impaling into the blonde’s side when she was knocked into the ground. She had only now reminisced the stifled screams from the blonde after being kicked forcibly on her side, screams that hadn’t reached Lexa in her fit of anger.

“Clarke?” and this time, the unsteadiness in her voice gave an unexpectedly twist to her tone as unease began to build. _Where did this unease come from?_ Lexa began to shake the blonde’s shoulders softly to wake her out of her possible unconsciousness only for the blonde’s legs to give out beneath her hold. Her face had quickly gone ominous knowing that she had every reason to release her grasp on the shoulders of the unconscious girl in front of her, every right for the sacrifice of her people to let their executioner bleed out on the cold hard ground. But thinking back, Clarke could have also had killed off Quint, or actually tried fighting back when Lexa was beating down on her with a primal sense of rage. She would have ended her life with her blade just moments prior if the heart-wrenching feelings of guilt and curiosity that reemerged weren’t so overbearingly powerful.

Or maybe if her gaze didn’t portray such groundbreaking emotions. _Or maybe the girl used witchcraft to radiate off such_ _allurement_ … or maybe this was one too many maybes'. Her thoughts had strayed off on tangents again.

“Heda, what are you doing?” Indra’s provocative voice felt like a slap to face, lifting the mythical field that she had been occupying with Clarke grounding her back into reality. Only now did Lexa feel and hear the falling of rain over Indra and the groups of her warriors standing idly by. Watchful eyes littered her surroundings.

“Uh- help me get her on a horse now, we are riding out immediately!” 

“But Heda-”

Indra wasn’t one to question the commander’s orders, but she stood her ground, still as a rock. The uncharismatic vibe coming out of the second general's twisted scowl was unmistakable as her eyes zoned in to landed distastefully at the blonde in Lexa’s arms. As if Clarke was truly a nightmarish devil. Everything about Indra’s expression screamed of betrayal and vehemence but she held her mouth sealed shut before finally giving in a few moments later, turning around towards the rest of the Trikru warriors to carry out the commander's orders for a retreat. Lexa then grabbed Clarke under her shoulders and knees, hauling the blonde up into her own arms and rushed to a nearby horse.

Clarke was lighter than she expected… Clarke is also now colder than she expected. The blonde’s body, no longer radiating the heat it did before, was starting to tremor ever the slightest over her arms.

Indra was back by her side in an instant and wordlessly helped Lexa set the blonde on to the horse with stiff movements that appeared uncomfortable and forced. As soon as Clarke was set, Lexa Clasped Indra’s forearms as a sign of reassurance, the reassurance that she would explain later, and quickly hopped on afterward before more scowling could be thrown her way. She propped the back of the blonde against her own chest, using her left hand to hold on to the reins while her right arm lapped around the blonde’s waist. She pressing firmly against Clarke’s side, trying to maintain pressure on the gash. As Lexa looked back up to sweep around, she noticed that everyone in her group, even the archers stationed above the valley, had already gotten on to their horses behind Indra in an organized formation. Indra locked eyes with Lexa, awaiting her command. Her glare was not as intense, but the look of irritation was still present.

“My brothers of war, we have already witnessed the extremity to Skaikru’s capabilities and it hasn’t stopped up then and neither will it now. You all have honorably given your lives for this day and I am truly grateful but do not see today as another defeat. Today was our turning point in the battle and tomorrow will be their conclusion in the war!” Lexa roared over the booming thunder.

Her warriors, while tentative at their commander’s brief burst in spirit, slowly began to bellow approval one by one until the rest all joined in. Some waving their swords while others just hollered. Lexa’s words had never failed to stir inspiration and dedication from the warriors that she led no matter the circumstances and she needed to temporarily divert attention before time ran out for the blonde. Indra was the only one not cheering as she sat unmoving on top of her horse looking in their general direction and Lexa just knew that she was still peering at Clarke leaning against her own shoulders.

Lexa felt her hand tighten around the reins as she signaled for towards TonDC before taking off on her horse. The collective thumping of galloping horses behind her indicated that Indra and others were not far behind.

<[]>

Time is of the essence and Clarke is running out of it. Lexa had tried her best to fasten the pace on the horse they were riding but the punishing rainfall obstructing the vision ahead and soaking the slippery ground underneath made it difficult to maneuver swiftly within the forest. The last thing she wanted was for her horse to slip and crash as they rode against the rain. Lexa thought that maybe her war paint had already washed away as it already did With Clarke’s hair, rinsing the blood and mud away to reveal once again its golden hue. In fact, she thought about a lot of things starting with how to face the choleric clan ambassadors waiting back at TonDC, how her people were faring back in Polis, and how to explain to Indra of the supposed advantages behind why she had kept the Sky leader alive… _how to delude at least._ But these thoughts, while imperative, didn’t scare her as much as the unconscious body pressed against her chest, a certain tremoring beauty whose head nudged into Lexa neck as if she belonged there. The hard shell of the all mighty Wanheda within that valley had vanished, leaving nothing but a fragile girl and she repeatedly reminded herself that keeping Clarke alive was a strategic move to obtain leverage over the Skaikru but the longer these thoughts lingered within her head, the more it felt like a facade.

It was an hour trip back to TonDC but with the slow pace caused by the rain, it felt more like hours and Lexa was dreading every minute of it. The sound of the blonde’s whimpers had become uneven and hampered and her body had now begun to shiver. She pulled Clarke in closer to her own body hoping to share some of her heat. If her right arm was sore having to constantly maintain pressure over the wound, her left arm was in blistering pain at having held on the reins of the horse while it galloped up and down for hours. Lexa didn’t know how much longer she should keep this up much less how much longer Clarke was going to last if immediate medical assistance was not received but just as trees and more trees blurred past, she finally noticed familiar patterning within the forests indicating that they were finally closing in on their encampment. Lexa only pulled harder on the reins and sped forward.

“There’s movement!” The shouting from a distance sounded out over the splashing gallops under her horse. She had made it but was it fast enough? The quiet body in front of her suggested otherwise for there was no longer tremoring. The chaotic beating of her own heart was overbearing to the soft pulses of the blonde and Lexa couldn’t tell whether the pulses she was feeling were from Clarke or her own chest. Without thinking, she detached her hand from the Blonde’s side while clamping harder on the reins for balance and brought it close under Clarke’s neck praying to feel something.

There was a pulse, it was faint but ever the more existent.

<[]>

Before Lexa and her warriors neared the open gates of TonDC, she pulled up the hood over Clarke’s head to conceal the golden tresses but the way she charged into the gates clutching a girl dearly against her chest still brought up many questionable glances from the guards at the gate. Knowing all too well that many of the people within her coalition had already heard of Wanheda’s distinguishing hair color, riding into camp with Clarke’s golden locks cascading over her shoulders would have been nothing short of outrageous to her people.

“Heda, we had been expecting you.” A couple of guards quickly rushed over to greet their commander.

Lexa only responded with a quick nod of her head while her left-hand tightening around Clarke’s hood. Right now, she only wanted to see one person. “Get me Nyko. The rest of you tend to Indra and the others.”

Nyko, the bulky man was her childhood companion back at the villages that they grew up together within Triku. He, unlike the other brash kids, never expressed much interest in the violence between combat and when Lexa trained at a young age to master her techniques with the blade, he learned the intricacies of medicine and healing. Fast forward ten years after her rise as to the Commander position, he had moved up as well to be a masterful healer with the Coalition. Regardless of his rugged beard and coarse features, he was a man of passiveness, reliably tending to his Heda many times during the initial years of war. However, Lexa still knew that what she would have him perform next would be difficult for him to live down despite his unwavering loyalty.

The title of Wanheda was not taken lightly around many parts of Triku after most of the warriors Lexa sent had been from her own clan and It was the reason that her home clan was the only clan that decided to contribute warriors in the hopes for retaliation against Skaikru. If the actions she took to spare Clarke of her own blade was selfish, then this was beyond traitorous in the eyes of her people.

Lexa’s arms were still hooked around Clarke’s waist, maintaining the pressure when she slowly dismounted from her horse. Stroking the dark stallion, she silently thanked it for its troubles.

Only a few moments later, Nyko came scurrying. “Heda are you alright… you were gone for many hours.” There was a worried edge to his voice as his eyes survey over Lexa for signs of protruding injuries.

“I am fine, but she is not,” Lexa replied not sparing extra words. “This girl was impaled on her left side and had already lost a lot of blood. Have the other healers attend to the rest of my warriors but you will be the only one to tend to her. I will provide you the details later… for now just please sav... ju-just keep her alive.”

Never one to particularity stutter while handing out commands, Lexa was struggling to find her words now. After all, this was a precarious situation she was getting herself into and any information getting in the wrong hands could mean more than just a facing a few angry jocks within her Coalition.

<[]>

The argument with Indra was tedious and tension-filled as Lexa couldn’t even start to count the number of times the ice in Indra's eyes was going to slice through her cold exterior. For now, she had secured with her general and her warriors that whatever happened in that valley was going to stay in that valley until the subject would be brought up once again deliberately by herself.

The horse ride to camp had exhausted much of her strength as her arms still throbbed all over and so Lexa eventually found herself inside the medical chambers with Nyko just starting the procedure to stitch up the gash on Clarke’s side. She eyed the healer’s hands wearily as the man moved to remove Clarke’s hood but just when the thin piece of head wear came off revealing the full extent of her blonde curls that never failed to astonish, he showed no sign of surprise or withdraw. Instead, his mouth quirked up into a smile at the sight as if he had recognized her. Lexa honesty didn't know whether to feel worried or relieved at the smile on his face, but the expression looked somewhat genuine. But before she was able to fully study his face, Nyko’s smile waded and his eyebrows furled into a concentrated expression and went on to dry off the blonde’s hair and clothing with dry towels. He stayed silent afterward throughout the whole procedure while she found herself drowning under a sea of unease. The blonde's jacket and undershirt had been lifted to inspect for any further wounds and she had to constantly remind herself to breathe properly in through her nose and exhale out her mouth as more pale brushes were exposed all over. The whole operation took just a little over an hour and the stitches he had weaved looked clean and neat ensuring that it wouldn’t leave a scar. Despite the fact that she never doubted Nyko's skill as a healer, the blonde still looked to be in a very vulnerable state and her face was practically drained of its color. Hell, her own face was practically drained of its color upon the catching sight of the purple swelling around her neck. Lexa didn’t want to admit it, but after everything that had happened, the thought of killing the blonde brought up a rather unsettling feeling deep down from her stomach.  _What's changed?_

“The Skaiprisa” Nyko simply muttered with a soft tone of adornment once he finished his inspections. These were the first words since he approached Lexa outside in the rain and it felt oddly out of place after nearly an hour of deafening silence.

“Sky princess?” Lexa was instantly shaken awake, feeling an overwhelming sense of curiosity to Nyko’s passive, yet passionate statement.

“Yes… but I never imagined her to become Wanheda.” Nyko continued,” My people, as you already know, lived in a small village just outside of the sighted Skaikru crash site and before anyone even knew of the sky ship carrying actual passengers, one of our hunting parties apparently made a chance encounter with them just days later the sightings. They were defenseless, and they all looked so lost and broken that we decided to offer a small piece of our assistance in the form of some food and clothing. They simply received our gift and we left thinking that we would probably never see them again. I was given this information the day that I went back to visit my family over at that village and didn’t think much of it. But the very next day of my stay, this beautiful girl with hair color as bright as the sun, hair color that none had ever seen before walked into our village along with some others and presented us with a talking device that allowed us to talk at distances we never thought was physically possible. While their gifts were striking, it was nothing compared to the medical skills she also brought along as well, and I was able to pick up a lot from what she had knew about surgery techniques.” Nyko’s smile grew wider, “She visited two more times and the kids, they absolutely adored the girl, calling her the “Skaiprisa” from the way her hair color glowed under the sunlight with eyes matching the sky... as if she descended from the clouds above.”

But right then and there, Nyko’s expression began to turn sour and Lexa had seen this coming.

“I don’t know what prompted this but one night not long after their visit, there was this a bright flare that came down from the sky. And the next thing we knew, a neighboring village was burned down to ashes. Many thought it was only possible that Skaikru’s must have been a part of this and so word got around quick. Many in my village slowly lost their trust in the sky people and then the warriors from your coalition came to seize the situation.” The healer’s expression displayed a mix of grief and uncertainty.

Nyko didn’t continue after as Lexa already knew all too well how that had panned out… with the scorching of her only family member and hundreds more of her people that led to a month of nightmarish nights and exhausted mornings. Lexa was actually thankful that he didn’t go on as she already had enough on her conscious. But as much as she wanted to view sky people the way Nyko regarded them, Clarke and her people still burned a village to the ground along with more death. While she did spare Clarke for reasons unfamiliar to her, a part of her still loathed the blonde with how she still carried Anya’s blood on her hands.

“So that’s what happened when you were gone for weeks, you made contact with the Skaikru and yet I was not informed of this?” Lexa’s questioned intensely leaving no room for an escape.

But Nyko didn’t seem to back down from the accusation “I express my sorrow for you, Heda, for all that had happened, I really am and while it deeply pained as well to lose people and to see villages being burned down to the ground, I still can't see how the Sky people initiated this conflict. Mostly, I can’t see how her," Nyko turned his head motioning to the girl, "who was nothing but pleasant to us, helpful even, is to be directly blamed for the deaths of your men.” Pausing for a brief second, He continued. “An honored friend of mine, Lincoln, has personally witnessed what they are like through a dark haired sky girl he encountered, and he expressed the same veneration I did as well.

Lexa really couldn’t see how this was at all related but decided ask anyway. “And where is this Lincoln of yours now?” 

Nyko hesitated once more before answering, “He left to join them.”

<[]>

It has been 2 days and Lexa still could find sleep at night.

A lack of rest wasn't something that anyone can necessarily train to get used, or at least not in the way she trained to lead and fight or how she learned to cope with losses. There was a certain limit to how much a person can take before crashing of exhaustion or fatigue but being physically and emotionally drained from these past days felt oddly different from what she had endured during the time following Anya's death. For the first time despite the lingering daze, she didn’t feel as if she was being crushed with a feeling of helplessness. Something was tipping the balance of things around here. Or maybe it was someone. Lexa had already fulfilled her eagerness to coming face to face with Wanheda, however, it had been drastically different from the confrontation within her imaginings. Just then, a gentle knock on her door dispersed her thoughts.

“Come in.”

Indra pushed through the doors looking as emotionless as ever. "Wanheda is awake.”

Suddenly, a wave of unexpected relief washed over mind and it made Lexa realize that she had been dying to hear this information. But then, something else had hit her.  
“Indra how do you know this, I have kept Clarke in private quarters.”

Indra then had this smug look on her face before shaking her head, “You don’t have to worry about her, I haven’t decided to smother her... yet.”

“I am not worrying about h-” Lexa was caught off by her own contradictions. She knew her statement wasn’t convincing anyone with that gawking expression of hers. And so she sighed, suppressing the fact that her mind was torn between a feeling of anger and solicitousness.

“Bring her to the central hall… chained.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I am sorry that Clarke was pretty much a sleeping beauty in this entire chapter and had no dialogue of her own. But I promise there to be heated Clexa interactions in the next chapter so stay tuned!


	3. Simmering affinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally gets a chance to talk through to Clarke and new revelations began to simmer beneath the surface.

It had been a wonder at first overshadowed by the glamour of shock, then it appeared to be anguish with a hint of fear. The third time Lexa gazed into the eyes of this perplexing girl, all traces of the previous sentiments had vanished and instead, replaced with a glower of dauntlessness and hostility and perhaps a glimmer of something else. Something that hid deeper beneath the surface emotions portrayed by her eyes. Lexa thought that maybe that mysterious glimmer had been there all along.

Clarke, head dipped and restrained at her wrists and ankles, was dragged into the central hall of TonDC. Her old clothes had been swapped for this pale blue floral garment… probably Nyko's doing… while her feet were bare. The heavy metal chains clanged off the floor as she was slowly brought forward to Lexa, who was masked with a heavy layer of black paint and sat on top of the steps of her meticulous iron throne room flanked by Indra and Gustus. Indra, on one hand, had done well with the rest of her guard to keep contain the rumors pertaining the girl but Gustus, well, Lexa had taken time away, convincing him to put enough faith in her to refrain from objecting for the time being. This arrangement with twenty or so royal guards posted all around was meant to induce the utmost feeling of being crushed under the watchful eyes, where usually only high-level criminals were brought and interrogated. But if the blonde seemed to be shaken by the set up, it was not decipherable within her expression once she raised her chin up high to meet the eyes of the commander. The only hints of emotion on the blonde’s blank face were conveyed from her sapphire orbs that roared of a fiery ravenous blue.

“I am aware how you must feel towards me and my people after all that had happened, but your anger is misplaced.” If felt oddly strange to speak in such a composed manner to the same person who had almost driven her out of control in that valley only days before. “You and your brash group of broods have done quite the damage while roaming my lands and now with more of you seemingly dropping from the sky, I am sure that you can understand my concern as the commander for what is to be expected and precautioned against.”

Lexa watched as the blonde’s face, finally formulating an expression, quickly changed from malice to incredulity all while the fierceness in her eyes remained.

“You thought we wanted to cause dama- Ah!” Clarke’s angry retort was abruptly cut off as she was harshly shoved in the back by a rear guard.

“Watch your tone!” The warrior crudely demanded, his rough gesture enough to send Clarke down scrambling to her knees.

Clarke’s face had quickly gone pale. Beads of sweat formulated on her forehead while her silent breaths were broken and uneven. It was obvious that the blonde was trying her best not to yelp out in pain and despite recognizing that Clarke’s injuries had not fully healed, Lexa only felt a new sense of admiration for how the girl managed to express no visible weakness. But she wasn’t about to test the girl to her limits. She had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time Clarke would speak out defiantly so with a swift hand gesture, the guards surrounded the blonde all dipped their heads in understanding and slowly dispersed behind the doors. Only Indra, Gustus, and few of Lexa’s royal guards remained in the hall. Indra now moved forward to situate herself between Clarke and Lexa in case the blonde was to try anything. she couldn’t see Gustus behind her back, but she imagined that there would be a death glare plastered across his face at the moment.

“Now speak,” Lexa spoke with absolute authority.

Clarke shifted uncomfortably, obviously still recovering from the initial shock of that shove and took a deep a breath. “I didn’t think the fires were us, but after hearing about the sightings, I realized that they may have been the signal flares that we sent into the sky.” Clarke voiced out while sparing a tentative glance at Indra who loomed dangerously close.

“The flares you say, why where they sent in the first place?” Lexa pushed. This was new information to her afterall.

Clarke didn’t miss a beat as she continued to explain, “the flares, we launched them as signal fire to our people trapped up in space... that we had made it and the ground was indeed survivable- more than just survivable actually.” Clarke paused tentatively, “After we heard of what happened, I wanted to find ways to pay remittance, to sort out a deal but apparently, your people refused to see through the truth to my words.”

“Lies, there is nothing your people seek but death and destruction.” Indra interrupted, hand gripping over the hilt of her unsheathed blade but proceeding no further in her chain of threats knowing that her Heda was watching.

Lexa weighed over the possibility that these were indeed lies spewing out the girl’s mouth as she doesn’t remember Anya ever mentioning much from her exchange at the bridge. _Could all of this be caused by a simple misconception?_ She really wanted to think that the girl in front of her was lying, playing at a scheme that Lexa had yet to unravel but in the case that Clarke was telling the truth, it would ultimately fill the gaping holes to Nyko’s perspective of events, making sense to why the village had seemingly burned down overnight without reason… all the while intensifying the pain caused to Lexa by Anya’s scorching death. The possibility that all that blood spilled could all been for nothing. She was suddenly feeling the weight of self-loathing build up on to her shoulders and if it weren’t for the sincerity held within those blue orbs that reflected black at her, Lexa wouldn’t how else she would ground her roaring spirits. The blonde could be so mystifying, yet so meticulously obvious and transparent at times to her.

“Whether the words that you speak hold any truth to them, the damage has been done, and a village, my village, was burned down to ashes. Thirty people died from that event, families had lost their homes, and that’s why your people have to answer, starting with you.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes and sighed. “And to who do I owe the pleasure?”

 _Pleasure me_ , Lexa contemplated on saying before quickly clenching her jaw and refocusing her gaze. “I will give you two options sky girl, either you stay by our side, and tell us what we need to know so that a potential peaceful negotiation could be made, or I throw you into a cell and have you watch as I bring down the entire might of my coalition upon your people first thing tomorrow.” It was a bluff and a risky one as she could barely amass a few hundred warriors at the moment let alone a mere thousand. Indra and Gustus slightly shifted on their feet, sensing the lie as well. Lexa knew exactly what they were thinking, but she willingly decided not to mention their capital punishment in the form of death by a thousand cuts in which her people would unquestionably desire for their commander of death, the devilish symbol that they still believed Clarke to be. She ultimately needed a favorable reason for the blonde to stay by her side. Whether for own lust or for the benefit of her coalition, the lines began to blur, though she still hoped for the latter.

But life has a way of complicating things, especially when it came to this blonde.

“I will go with the third option” Clarke quipped after several long minutes of supposed thoughtful contemplation, eyes gleaming with frisky disdain.

If ‘you cannot be serious’ was an expression, then Lexa was sure that Indra’s face would become the very definition of exactly that. Gustus, on the contrary, looked ready to burst out of his simmering shell. It was comical, hysterical even how simple words from the blonde could turn her stone-cold generals into such expressive individuals.

“With all due respect, Heda, let me show this wrench a sense for the third option.” Gustus finally stepped in.

Lexa ignored him, sitting up from her throne and descended upon the steps towards the girl kneeling on the ground. She crouched down and brought the tips of her fingers under Clarke’s chin, lifting her head so that their eyes were on even planes. She noticed that the blonde’s eyes now shimmered a slight tinge of raw anticipation along with that other sentiment Lexa was yet able to decipher.

“And what would that be?” Lexa resumed her line of questioning while slowly inching forward. Clarke was now so intimately close that Lexa began taking in every endearing feature on the face on front of her without even realizing. But to her surprise, Clarke seemed to be studying her as well despite initially feigning discomfort and a malicious thought suddenly popped into her head. Lexa’s mouth curved into a sly grin, expression darkening, “or would you rather serve to be my slave?”

Clarke blinked and withdrew her face instantly. It was a crude statement on Lexa’s part, a tease that was not meant to be taken seriously as slavery was almost nonexistent within her coalition and its legal confines. But the blush, oh the split-second reddening of Clarke’s cheeks did not go unnoticed by Lexa’s hawk-like eyes. In fact, Lexa was so fixated that when the girl’s face quickly changed to an incredulous expression, ready to thrash out, she caught on too slow and gave Clarke the chance to do exactly what she had coming.

Clarke spat in her face and Lexa flinched away in surprise.

That was apparently as much disrespect as Gustus could handle and before Lexa could finish wiping her face off with her sleeve, the big man had already surged forward from behind Lexa. He lifted the blonde up by the collar of her shirt and delivered a hard knee into Clarke abdomen sending her sprawling down on to her hands and knees gasping for breath. The sight sent shockwaves through her body as it brought back the unpleasant memories from that valley and Lexa sprung to action immediately, landing beside the girl within mere moments while glaring death wishes up at her general. Her hands seemed move without thought, feeling along Clarke’s sides for any signs of bleeding from the stitches possibly tearing. Clarke’s body froze upon contact but didn’t seem to draw back from her touch. As much as she wanted to sympathize with the girl, a part of herself realized that she had no right in doing so since she had also acted upon this cruelty herself but that also didn’t mean Lexa could endure this harsh treatment to continue.

“Beating people who cannot physically defend for themselves wouldn’t be considered very honorable would it, Gustus?” Lexa’s voice was calm but laced with venom. “Back off.”

Indra stepped in between the man and Clarke as to solidify to her Heda’s orders, something that Lexa didn’t expect out of the stoic woman who had been glaring daggers towards the blonde the entire time.

“Heda, what if-” Gustus started to voice his concerns, but Lexa clearly didn’t want to hear any of it. Though it was clear that his intentions were genuine, she had about enough of him always shielding her as if she was still just the girl before her rise up as the commander.

“She did nothing to harm me and besides, I think I am more than capable of dealing with a girl in chains.” Lexa irritably responded, emphasizing the ‘girl’. From what was presented in front of her, Clarke, while cunning, did not deserve the title that her people had heedlessly pinned to her name. If anyone were to be in the wrong in the grand theme of things, she realized it would probably be herself. Lexa turned her attention back to Clarke and noticed her staring back at her like a wounded puppy. The way she sat on the heels of her feet with palms planted on her thighs certainly gave off the impression of one and before long, Lexa found herself stealing a sinful glance down to the girl’s lips and bit down, hard, on her own mouth.

“You will have till tonight to decide.” Lexa eyed over to the simmering big man, desperate to escape her own little situation. “Now Indra, gather the guards and discreetly isolate the girl in a cell away from the other prisoners. Anyone who even tries to lay a hand on her will lose that hand and much more. Do you understand?”

“Yes heda.” Indra’s mouth hardened into a line but her response was instant regardless.

Lexa didn’t realize that her hands were still attached to the blonde’s side and quickly withdrew it much to her own displeasure and stood up fully, turning her head away to conceal her own flush while that same surreptitious look remained in Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke was escorted out of the hall and Lexa turned to leave as well, sparing Gustus a warning glare to control himself. The big man still seemed unconvinced.

<[]>

As the sun had finally begun to set and the last remnants of light disappeared over the vast tree canopy, Lexa watched as the last of her people began to disperse and retreat into their homes. Guards stood at their posts around the village perimeter, but the noise level had all but dimmed down to a point in which hums of the night creatures became noticeable.

It had only been a few hours since Clarke had been dragged to her cell, but it still didn’t suppress the ire anticipation she felt on approaching her once again. Lexa needed to hear the girl’s response before the end of the day and while she felt the blonde deserved more time to consider, the impatient ambassadors at the meeting she would be attending first thing tomorrow would think otherwise. Additionally, Lexa felt the urge to check on the condition of the girl and whether Indra had properly done her job of isolating the girl from the other prisoners as she had been commanded, so with a plate of food and a canteen of tea, she threw on her dark cloak and sash, silently making her way over to Clarke’s cell. Along the way of slipping between houses and maneuvering under shadows to avoid detection, she began thinking of unnecessary ways to elegantly approach the girl.

At the sound of the open locks, Clarke’s head immediately perked up from her slumped state but subsequently winced at her sudden movement. The blonde’s once silky hair has now formed into a tattered mess while the clean shirt she had on earlier now dirtily clung on the blonde, stretched and torn in many places. Noticing how the chains around the girl’s wrists were locked up so tightly above her head that she was unable fully relax her legs without putting a heavy strain on her shoulders, Lexa immediately cursed herself for not coming earlier. There is definitely going to be another talk with Indra tomorrow.

Lexa quickly set down the plate along with the canteen and rushed over to unlock the restraints, catching the blonde in her arms in the process. Even just from a glance, anyone could see that the girl was heavily exhausted under the faint glow of torches, however, Lexa still saw how the blue blaze had not been extinguished. The warmth from their shared space felt pleasant and reassuring as she slowly set Clarke down, unceremoniously lowering her guard in the process. But while Lexa had expected Clarke to draw back, she didn’t, and now she was finally beginning to sense that something was off about the blonde. As soon as she felt Clarke’s wondering hands roaming along her upper waist to where she kept her ornaments, all her senses of awareness kicked back, and Lexa lurched her body away from the girl in precaution for what is to come. A slight glint of metal reflected from the faint torchlight was caught from her peripheral and her eyes immediately focus its full attention on to it. And there she was, Clarke, holding her knife under trembling hands. Lexa’s instincts took over as she reached for a small dagger sheathed in her boot knowing that she would be able to parry any incoming jabs, but as she squinted to look further under the faint illumination, realization hit. The pointed edge wasn’t angled at her at all. Lexa’s heart was thumping at the rate of a speeding stallion and she dared not to blink as if the split-second action would take away an eternity.

Clarke had asked for her death before. This was Clarke trying to kill herself right now and a feeling of Déjà vu washed over Lexa’s mind.

How dare her. In all the years that Lexa had trained to perfect her physical awareness and reaction speed, it took her a long moment to finally tear herself away from her shock-induced trance. She felt sluggish about her every move and her heart began to sink fearing that she would not make it, but not before Clarke hesitated for a split second. And that was enough. Enough for Lexa to launch herself back towards the girl and catch the speeding blade before it dug itself deep in the girl’s stomach. Her grasp on the handle easily overpowered the blonde’s and she yanked harshly at the knife, tossing it away to a far corner of the room.

Lexa’s forward momentum had caused her to collide into the girl, forcefully driving Clarke down to the ground with a gasp while Lexa remained on top. Somewhere along the way, she also managed to pin both wrists of those thrashing arms above Clarke’s head with one hand while her other hand kept herself elevated above at a close distance above. She was essentially straddling the blonde and while this whole interaction possibly took less than a few seconds, both of them sounded to be out of breath with their loud paintings. Clarke stopped struggling once she saw the futility of her attempts to break free and all that remained was a shaken expression conveying the seriousness of this situation.

Lexa should have been mad, breakneck furious even. After all, she had been through so much, enduring through her mental battles over deciding between going with head or heart, over trying to suppress the strange desirability she felt towards this intriguing girl who kept her stirring at night. Lexa had literally defied everything throughout her life in sparing any consideration for this blonde and so she had no right to meddle with her emotions only to leave without so much of answer to why she had such an effect on her. Except she wasn’t mad, only madly terrified. Terrified of seeing a foreigner die before her eyes… except Lexa didn’t perceive her as one. A deafening silence had established itself between them as penetrating green met translucent blue and suddenly, it wasn’t silent at all.

“That’s enough.” Lexa croaked out after dawning upon the fact that she almost couldn’t save her.

Clarke’s eyes shined with unshed tears and her lips quivered. “I – I don’t understand you… you wanted to kill me so just kill me. It’s what everyone else wants anyway.”

Honestly, Lexa could even understand herself anymore. But… “everyone else… do you mean my people?”

The same look of clandestine formulated once again in those piercing eyes scowling back at her and Lexa hated the fact that she was blocked out because of it. Time heals all wounds, though maybe not for all and definitely not for herself, but either way, Lexa decided to give the girl time on a topic she was clearly uncomfortable with. “Things may have been different before, but right now, I do not wish for you to die and neither am I to allow it,” She spoke with clarity hoping that the blonde would see through the truthfulness in her words. "Promise me Clarke."

Sighing a shuttering breath, the blonde tilted her head and broke the strenuous eye contact. A silent tear ran down her cheek. “Okay… but could you perhaps… you’re crushing my side” Clarke softly whispered, slightly wincing.

It took Lexa a full second to formulate her surroundings. Blood has never this hotly, this fast and Lexa’s face blushed to a faint pink. Unruly golden hair fanned out, hands firmly pinned above, good earth cleavage shamelessly on display, and eyes shyly turned away, their precarious situation gave off the impression of a ferocious Tiger pinning down a helpless baby fox. As if Lexa didn’t have a mind of her own until she literally had to be reminded of her situation, she quickly excused herself from this embarrassing predicament not before sputtering out a quick. “Oh Sorry.” Sorry? Lexa frankly couldn’t remember the last time she had used such a vulnerable word.

This distance was helpful, to say the least, and she quickly found it easier to process her thoughts. Lexa reached over to the plate and the canteen. “You must be hungry.”

The blonde shook her head and rubbed at the imprints on wrists. “You don’t have to do this you know. One moment, you looked like you wanted to snap me in half, and now you play nice. Is this just an act to lure me into giving you information?”

As much as Lexa felt offended by this, she also understands the skepticism being through at her. “You didn’t deliberately burn the people in that village. I realize that now.”

Clarke’s brows furrowed “Oh now you realize, but would that have made a difference? What was there to gain from ambushing me and my people in that valley? Am I to think these attacks would continue to happen until my people are too frightened to even take a step outside of our camp.”

Lexa firmly shut her eyes and she brought hands up to her forehead, rubbing soothing circles around her temples. “As I have said before, my people have suffered severely from the many innocent lives lost and it was your carelessness that brought upon this suffering. My culture demands that blood must have must blood. Nothing could have changed that.” Nothing could have changed the pitiful reality in which Anya had died for. Clarke was the one to have killed her after all.

But despite the slight softening of her tone of voice in sensing the change in ambiance, Clarke persisted on. “Your people were the ones to have saved us from the very start, did you know that? I have heard them talk a great deal about you, the great commander who united this vast coalition. But never would I have thought that your coalition would revolve around such a harsh culture.”

“You think our ways are harsh? But that is how we survive.”

“Then maybe life should be more about just surviving. Don’t we deserve better than that…” Clarke’s voice tapered off as if she also began considering the meanings behind her own inquiry.

 _Maybe we do_ , Lexa had thought to herself, and maybe this conversation was getting a little out of hand. This blonde, a girl who fell from the skies that she had met only days before was challenging the tradition of a hundred years in Grounder culture was nothing short of a miracle and Lexa was letting this judgment set upon her like it was always meant to be.

Lexa scoffed to herself. “That is why need you to be on my side, that is why I need to know what you are undertaking from your expeditions so that no more misunderstandings befall. Answer me truthfully and so that more people won’t perish for the wrong reasons.” Then Lexa steeled her expression once more, “If I detect any lies and I will make sure that your people suffer in the same way that we have suffered. Tomorrow.” She didn’t want to sound harsh, but these were desperate times.

“Equipment” It came out as a soft murmur, “and other useful scraps or course to build into machines for our utility and… possible offerings to your people, as remittance.” Clarke answered shyly with downcast eyes as if she was worried that her words would not sound believable. “The others thought my intentions were an act of betrayal and well, I couldn’t blame them. Not after what I did.”

Lexa’s breath hitched inside her throat. The occasional wavering of her voice, the mercy of her actions within that valley, and certainly the coyness she was portraying now. It certainly did seem that something else had been going on inside the blonde’s head throughout all of this. That tinge of emptiness within those cerulean eyes and the real reason behind why she had turned the knife on herself could have all been connected.

“Not after what? Not after scorching my warriors alive?” It came out a lot harsher that Lexa intended to make out but by the silence, she figured it to be much more than just that. Clarke, on the other hand, pulled her legs closer to her chest and tilted her head, eyes ablaze. “You made me do it and yet here I am, trying to take the initiative in mending relations until you stepped in once more.”

As much as it angered her to be reminded to how these deaths were all caused by her, a part of her was still intrigued by that something else hidden behind those eyes. “What about your people. If what you said held any truth, will your disappearance and the death of some of your people back at that village spur vengeance?”

“Why, are you afraid commander?”

The corner of Lexa’s mouth quirked up in amusement at the light-hearted retort and she found herself edging closer. “As if. I have had to endure through many terrible experiences all my life and the threats you pose are as empty as your stomach is full.” As if on clockwork, Clarke’s belly rumbled as Lexa could help but smirk and despite Clarke best efforts to put up a scowl, the expression only conveyed an endearing playfulness.

Lexa watched as the blonde took a tentative bite out of their roast duck from the fresh kill earlier today and proceed to take another almost immediately, all the while softly beaming at the taste of the tender meat. Her quiet moans were not missed, and Lexa found herself cherishing at the sight of being able to finally bring some kind satisfaction, however small, to this broken girl.

“Ahem, my people are not like yours, they don’t tend to afflict themselves with never-ending conflict,” Clarke spoke with a mouth half full.

It took almost too long for Lexa to realize that she did, in fact, ask the blonde a question earlier and swiftly blinked away the seemingly mystical spell cast upon her by the blonde and nodded in acceptance. She completely missed the brash remark that the blonde had just made. “Good. I will relay this information to my ambassadors tomorrow during the meeting.” She stood up and moved closer. “And um… I should tie you up again.”

Clarke’s expression immediately soured, and she began to slowly rub at her wrists again revealing the strained red marks that Lexa had somehow missed earlier. She sighed, contemplating on whether to just loosen the restraints on the girl and give her the proper rest needed to heal up. But that to lead the guards being suspicious when morning inspections came around and she since she tried to make her visit as discreetly as possible, this situation would just lead to further unwanted attention. The blonde was already deeply antagonized by everyone here. In the end, her heart won over her head.

“I will leave you free from the restraints for the night but do not get the wrong idea. I will come around in the morning before inspection and if there show to be any signs of attempted escape, I force these chains so tight that you'd be barely hanging by the tips of your toes." Seeing the blonde visually gulp, Lexa smirked in satisfaction before standing back up and turning to leave. Upon reaching the cell door, she decided it was time to make use of the name from the girl that had her falling in the deep end. “Rest well, Clarke.”

This was the first time she had spoken of the name, yet it came off smoothly over her own lips and while she thought the name itself was pretty before, it sounded even more appealing out loud. Lexa observed as the blonde’s eyes widened, her lips slightly parted in a mix of exasperation and bewilderment before turning itself into a faint smile of appreciation. That trace of a smile, however forced it may be, lit up the small space within the cell and Clarke looked to be even more beautiful, though she still found it cute when the girl shot off death glares. As Lexa soundlessly sauntered away, she felt Clarke’s eyes scorching holes through her back and knew that this was going to be a long night of wishful thinking.

The numerous torchlights along the wide cell chamber cast hard shadows on the uneven cobblestone ground and as Lexa finally slipped out of sight of the light along with her own dark silhouette, a second bulkier shadow emerged from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the clexa interaction was not too melancholy, however heated it may have been, but I promise the mystery behind Clarke's insecurities is to be revealed in the next chapter along with a swordplay lesson scene!


	4. Rising threats

The underground cellars of TonDC, a dungeon of malodorous smells, clingy moistures and murderous intent, was an undistinguished experience, to say the least. When it came down to it during the task assignments of each passing season, the men of her village would rather risk scouting up north in frigid cold Azgeda territory than to get stuck down in the depths of these cellars. For that very reason, the cellars became a vacant place with only a few valiant guards keeping watch between shifts. It is also why she had Clarke be held in a cell many blocks away from the other prisoners, to hopefully preserve her sanity amongst the hectic conditions of this place.

Lexa personally never had any reason to visit prisoners down in that place and while spending time in Clarke’s cell hadn’t had a noticeable an effect on her, the stark contrast in outside atmosphere and the sensation to have crisp fresh air flowing through her lungs brought an unforeseen relief that had never felt so satiable. She stared into the darkness of the night, eyes adjusting from its endless void to the faint radiance of the overcast moonlight.

She reached for her belt which held her assortment of weapons. The unsuspecting dangers that lurked during the night were dangers not assigned to a place and a time

She felt along for the metal sheath containing her usual blade until her fingers outlined the metal exterior.

Empty… the realization that she never retrieved her knife after mindlessly tossing it aside hit harder than a club to the face

 _You have truly outdone yourself._ And to think that she thought she had dealt with enough for one day.

It didn’t take long for Lexa to temper the rage from her system before springing herself back into action. Adrenaline flowed through her veins and she cursed for her legs to move faster as she took the steps down two at a time and took the more direct corridor towards Clarke’s cell that she had evaded earlier. She didn’t care if a guard caught sight of her now. Her heart constricted unnervingly, hoping that Clarke still hadn’t noticed the very tempting presence in that very room. But she promised… she promised she wouldn’t.

But what good is a promise from a mere stranger? Lexa scoffed.

Up ahead along the dark corridor, the shadowy silhouette of a body collapsed on the ground made her freeze in her tracks.

Lexa cautiously approached the motionless figure on the ground.

It was a guard.

Crouching down to survey the situation, Lexa felt that his pulse was steady… alive… but knocked out and a bruise to the side of his head was the probable cause. Someone else must have been here earlier and she had missed it entirely. As much as Lexa wanted to retrace and process the logicalities, there was only one way to find out. Lexa sprinted as fast as she could while also trying hard not to cause a stir with the clattering of her footsteps.

When she finally caught sight of the familiar glow of the torches signaling Clarke’s cell, her senses were spiked high and her vines brimmed with anticipation. Anticipation for the worst for the scene that she would possibly witness… Clarke lying down with a bloody knife in hand, lifeless eyes drained of color, and body trailing a dark pool of blood resembling the appearance to a deathly shadow. The horrors.

But what she was not prepared for upon closing in to hear a commotion. Grunting and muffled cries followed by the deep pitched sound of a man’s howl.

“Where did you get that you little bastard?” That same voice in the distance howled.

The tone laced with condescendence and a fragment of agony as if vocalized through clenched teeth. Lexa could recognize that tone from almost anywhere, the man that had reported back that fateful news on that fateful day.

Upon reaching the cell, she was surely presented with no other than the burn-scarred Quint. He was facing away from Lexa but seemed hesitant to budge from where he was standing. Lexa could only tell from the glint of blonde peaking around the man’s broad shoulders that it was Clarke that he had trapped in that dark corner. The plate of food and been flipped, the canteen, smashed, but blood had an unusual way of drawing attention and Lexa zeroed in on Quint’s stained hands holding a long sabre. Her sweat ran cold at the thought of its implications.

“Drop it, Quint!” Lexa practically spat out her words before raising her boot to kick at the cell gate. The gate wasn’t locked, and the metal door gave, ricocheting on the side of the wall with a loud clang.

Quint froze at the sound of her piercing voice, shoulders tensing before turning around with a slight hesitance in his movement. “Heda?” The surprise in his tone was obvious but it was all Lexa need to see that the man was too far gone for reason at the moment. His pupils were shrunk down to the point in which he no longer appeared human, more like a hungry hound that has been starved for a week. “I was- “ he stuttered on her response before seeming to realize the futility of his situation. “Heda, this bitch scorched my brother alive! I am only doing what is rightfully so.”

The turning of Quint’s massive figure had briefly revealed the blonde and Lexa took the chance to spare a glance in her direction. Shaken was too generous of a word to describe the girl with the way her chest heaved up and down like that. The pristine dress she had on earlier was now disheveled and ripped at her collarbones, revealing milky white shoulders. There was a blearily red cut on her right cheek and an even meaner slash through the sleeves down the extent of her left forearm. Looking further down, clutched between the tremoring fingers of the blonde, was the knife that she had let slip away. The tip was red stained. _So that was why Quint was howling earlier_.

Their eyes meet in the heat of the moment and Lexa was now suddenly glad that she had gone back without a sparring a second moment to consider. Her blade, that posed might have posed a threat earlier was now Clarke’s savior. But Quint still stood within arm’s reach of the girl and she was beginning to fear that jumping the man right then and there wouldn’t be enough to stop him from getting his hands on the blonde. Lexa had no clue to how Clarke was able to hold her own for this long, but a small knife was still no match for the long sword that Quint welded. She needed a distraction.

“Do you not possess a trace of mercy in you? She spared your life Quint, back at the valley and you will spare hers now. This whore deserves that much at least.” Trying as best as she could to feign disgust towards the blond, she hoped to convey a sense of mutual hatred. From the loosening of his shoulders, it seemed like her act has successfully lowered the man’s guard.

Quint shook his head, snickering with a hint of respite. “This was never about me, nor… this.” He gestured at the blonde.

Your right, this isn’t about just you.

Lexa took the chance to surge forward as Quint stayed tranquil for a split second too long. She saw the man’s breath momentarily hitch, turning around to have his full attention back at Clarke, sword raised. But before Quint could take another step forward, Lexa was already there, sinking her blade deep into the man’s back, paralyzing him in his tracks. The tip of Quint’s sabre hung inches from Clarke’s neck.

Lexa watched as he faltered, gurgling blood, and inhaling one last breath before crumpling to the ground altogether.

“Heda, you-” Clarke just managed to stutter out with a shaky breath, too stunned to make any sense.

Lexa steeled her jaw. “Save it, blonde.”

Her anger certainly came unexpectedly, and even more angry with the fact that this girl even could rouse these emotions out of her. She snatched the knife from Clarke’s hands.

Quint, as cruel as he was had been blinded by his rage, nothing he did was wrong abiding by their culture. However unforgiving their culture may be. This was never about me, nor her echoing inside her head. He was the last survivor to survive the ring of fire and, in a way, his death marked the conclusion to that tragic event. The last living proof of an incident that Lexa wanted to move from, but still couldn’t. Clarke was not a fault for what happened, but there was certainly no honor in what Lexa had done here and she knew it deep down in her heart. All the bantering around how now felt selfish and trivial and a renewed sense of despair emerged from the depths of her conscience.

But the overbearing worry she experienced moments leading up to this had trumped all these fleeting sentiments from advancing any further.

Clarke had sunken down to hover over the dying man’s body seemingly just as lost in thought. She finally glanced back up to meet Lexa’s own perplexed expression before crawling back into the back wall of the cell that Quint had previously corned her in. It was evident that she was terrified, the same fear expressed through those eyes brimmed with fervor back in that valley.

“Where else did he hurt you?”

Clarke reached across to feel along her left arm as if she hadn’t even realized that she had received the cut and but down hard on her bottom lip upon contact. Clarke pouted while Lexa, now fixated on a drop of blood running down the blonde’s cheeks, was struggling desperately to resist reaching over to wipe the droplet away. It felt as the pursuing silence held more meaning than words can ever convey during muddled moments like these.

Lexa peered down to see a key through the rigid cracks of Quint’s fingers and tilted her head in confusion.

Something didn’t add quite up.

It couldn’t have been taken from that guard since the only person that had hands on the keys were supposedly Indra. But her second general was the last person to ever would betray her commands. Had she pushed her the women too far?

Though Lexa doubted that this stunt was part of anything more, knowing Quint and his brash nature to run head first into any situation alone, fact that someone must have been behind this lingered dangerously in her mind. But that was a problem for tomorrow and as for now, Clarke was no longer safe down here.

Lexa held out her hand to the girl. “Come with me.”       

Clarke, still sitting in a corner, glazed over the lifeless body wearily as if it would spring to life the moment she moved. Lexa understood the hesitance but with the adrenaline wearing off and the with the time almost approaching midnight, her fatigue was beginning to muddle with the boundaries of her patience. She sighed and reached over to grasp on to the blonde’s wrists, lightly tugging along. “It’s ok, no more harm will come your way. I will make sure of it”

This time, the blonde shakily rose to her feet, swaying ever the slightest as she wearily stepped over the man’s massive body. Lexa didn’t know what prompted her to do this, but she shook off her scarlet sash and draped it over Clarke’s shoulders. To her satisfaction, she noticed the girl’s hands immediately tightening around the silky fabric.

Up to the cellar and across the village, they finally reached the central hall once more. As they walked along the dark hallway leading to her own bedchamber, Lexa felt a light tug on her cloak. She peered back at the blonde only to be caught off guard by how close they stood together.

“I am not sure if it’s too late now, but I swear fealty to you,” Clarke pleaded with desperate eyes.

Lexa immediately understood the underlining meaning behind her plea. _I will give up my freedom so that my people don’t have to._

As much as she was thrilled to hear this, trust was still a hard concept for Lexa to grasp. “Ok, but if you betray me-”

The sudden force Clarke colliding into her chest had her body encased in ice. Her arms remained rigid but as Lexa felt Clarke’s warm breath against her skin, she brought her arms to encompass the warm body. As unnerving as this embrace felt, it wasn’t like the previous times nor did it seem forced nor suspicious, it was heartfelt and safe.

“I won’t.” Clarke murmured sleepily

But wasn’t it just a moments ago in which the parallel situation escalated into something far more daunting… so what’s changed? In the back of her head, Lexa clung on to the hope that she had a part in this sudden shift.

<[]>

Tap tap tap…

Lexa stirred awake to the soft clacks of footsteps. Within her temporary stay in TonDC, her living quarters, though an improvement from the portable tents, was dull in comparison to the meticulous candlelit bedroom back on the top floor of the Polis flame tower. Not that she was really involved herself in those aspects of her life, not after Costia, but it was the floors she couldn’t stand. The glass rock floorings lining the tight and enclosed hallway outside echoed even the faintest of noises. Though advantageous for expecting someone’s approach, resting peacefully was another story. She had a meeting this morning after all and taking a glance towards the window, it was almost pitch-black dark. _So, who the hell could possibly be up at this time?_

Upon standing up, Lexa brought her arms up to stretch out the aching cramps along her back from falling asleep on an uncomfortably and unnaturally hard wooden chair last night. She peered down to notice Clarke still laying on the ground covered by her red sash. Though beautiful, her face harbored a troubled expression that Lexa was all too familiar with. She crept closer slipping a hand over the blonde’s face to smooth over her furrowed brows. Clarke stirred at the contact, wiggling her body further into a ball.

Slowly flowing back, the memories of last night had brought a light chuckle to her lips. She remembered the blonde stubbornly refusing to accept sleep on her bed no matter how she had many times she insisted. The blonde’s unyielding persistence along with her own pigheadedness ended with them both unwilling to concede to one another and so Clarke just plopped on the floor with the sash while Lexa ended up in a chair.

The perfectly comfortable bed stood in the middle of the room untouched and undesired and she recalled having second thoughts to tie Clarke up to the bed if she weren’t so exhausted herself. But it was the embrace they shared just outside her door that hit the deepest in her mind, bringing a hazy numbness over body.

While her thoughts roamed, the clattering was getting closer and Lexa sneaked her way over to the door, hoping that whoever it was would just pass on by. The moment those footsteps stopped right outside, her heart started speeding and she forcefully shoved the door open to the sight of Indra in the motion of knocking. The woman's face was filled with urgency.

“Wanheda is gone! She murdered Quin-” Indra’s hushed words died in her throat as her eyes locked to something past Lexa’s shoulder. She gawked back at Lexa in shock.

Lexa hurriedly closed the door behind her, leaning against it. As much as it was pointless, her message that Clarke would be for her to deal with had gone through. Lexa returned to glare at Indra, taunting her generalto think twice before making any further false assumptions to this situation before raising her own voice to speak.

“The girl had no part in this and she didn’t kill Quint, I did.” Lexa hardened her eyes, staring deeper while keeping her tone low and lethal. “But Quint, he somehow had the keys to her cell and I only remembered giving the keys to one person. Show me that you still have your key, Indra.”

She had certainly turned the tables and Indra knew right away to back down. “Heda, I would never.” she patted around her waist seeming to look for her keys. After fumbling with the seams with her coat, Indra held the small metal key within the palm of her hand presenting to her commander with a face blaring I told you so.

 _So, it hadn’t been her._ Lexa never truly suspected Indra of pulling something of this caliber but getting a confirmation was always a relief. She pulled out the key she snatched from Quint. “I really should trust that you took no part in this ploy” Lexa towered over the stoic women. “But if I find evidence to suggest otherwise, I will condemn your second, Kimberly was it, to guard the underground cellars for a full year.”

Besides Indra’s initial double-take, she didn’t recoil at her commander’s threat. But at the moment, Lexa caught the woman shifting her gaze again past herself to the door she was currently standing in front of.

“So, you killed Quint to protect her?” Indra asked bluntly after putting some of the pieces together herself.

Lexa tried to blink away at the fatigue that set upon her as the previous tension slowly started to dissipate and the adrenaline fueling her washed away. Indra was left in the dark even more than she was and so she did deserve an honest explanation. “I didn’t anticipate for any of it to lead to this.” Lexa tapered off. “Look, the girl isn’t the monster that everyone describes her to be. The death she holds on her hands will never be forgotten but she was left with no choice. I was the one to take that away from her.” _And I was the one to pay the price._

Her stoic general was no fool and Lexa suspected from the facial cues or lack thereof that Indra had caught on to something that she herself has yet to realize. “Heda, a meeting awaits in the morning. I only wish you a good rest before then… with her.”

Oh. Lexa seethed as Indra coolly walk off, disappearing on the darkness, footsteps echoing with a satisfying clatter.

“Indra.” The woman stopped in her tracks. “While I am gone in the morning, you will have Nyko come by to check on the girl’s injuries and make sure that you also request color dye and summon maidens. Nyko will know what to do” she spoke through the dark ensuing silence. “Also, your second is now assigned to guard and protect Wanheda whenever she is out of the confines of this room. In fact, he will train her in the pits at as soon as she is healed fully.”

Lexa wasn’t going to let Indra have her way that easily. She still didn’t forget the sight of Clarke being pulled apart by those chains back in that cell and now was a time as good as any to cast judgment. A light chuckle was thrown in for good measure and Lexa swore she heard the resonance of a deep growl.

The prolonged silence that followed was unnerving but just when Lexa suspected that Indra had fainted altogether, there came the strained, “Yes Heda” before the clattering of departing footsteps resumed. 

<[]>

Lexa walked away from the conference room feeling drained this morning.

These meetings unlike the seasonal congregations they have back in Polis, were meant for the disputes of smaller trade agreements and force allotments. This time, with the representatives all gathered, Louwoda Kliron requested for more border protection against bandits in exchange for precious herbs and medicine while Floukru struck a trading deal with Sankru in providing constant supplies of sea fish for glass artifacts and merchandises.

Usually, every agreement would have to get approved by herself before enforcement and while she can be lenient towards almost all requests from the clans under her coalition, she tends to lay more scrutiny to the propositions made by the ice nation. Her deep abhorrence for their people goes way back and the remnants of the dreadful past she shared with that ice-cold death of a clan remain freeze burned into her soul.

But what was supposedly a tame and nonchalant meeting was nothing of the sorts this morning. Despite getting barely any sleep, Lexa still noticed there to be more inconspicuous side-glances and the shushed whispers than she would have liked on occasion.

And Gustus too. The bearded man seemed almost too apathetic and quiet among the whispering as if deep in thought in someplace else.

Lexa kept a note of this information in mind.

Once the summit concluded, she waited until all the other ambassadors have finished before leaving Gustus to disappear from the scene herself. As she sulked her way back to her living quarters, the sudden thoughts of being able to see Clarke lifted her spirits as much as she was ashamed to admit. It was midday, so it was likely that she had already awoken and in the care of Nyko at the moment, but as she rounded the corner of her door, she was saddened to find only her healer standing idly by as if expecting her arrival. There were some empty food plates stacked on tables and splatters of red dye on the floor. If Lexa didn’t know any better, she would have assumed this to a murder scene by the way the man held a red stained rag in his hands.

“Nyko, how was her arm?”

The man mused at the caring inquiry, “The cut wasn’t deep so only alcohol and bandages were needed. I’ll come again later today to change out for fresh ones”

“And her hair?” She asked again.

“Mmmm since I usually don’t get this kind of request to change someone’s hair color, there weren’t any dyes effective enough to last. For now, you would need to reapply the berry dye every other night or else the color may fade away.”

Lexa absorbed her healer’s words, testing its implications. This seemed to be going well so far and for now, Clarke’s identity is sealed. “Nyko, I know it’s hard, but thank you for going through with all this.”

“Heda, did she ever tell you what truly happened. At the village. At their metal ship?”

Lexa stared back but couldn’t decipher if the healer was asking her or simply testing to see if she knew. She wasn’t sure if she even knew the full story herself. “Yes… partially. Why didn’t you ask her yourself?”

The healer’s forehead seemed to crease in contemplation before sheepishly raising his arms to scratch his head. “Well I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t even meet my eye.”

Lexa thought back to the times in which Clarke stared back at her in the eye and shuddered. “Nyko, about your village, the Skaikru were indeed the ones to-” she watched as the man’s eyes widened in horror, feeling the urge to quickly elaborate. “-but their actions had not been meant to harm.”

Nyko’s face didn’t quite relax but the temper she saw just moments before had dissipated.

“I will get her to open up eventually,” Lexa reassured Nyko before getting caught on by the distant crashing of swords outside of her window.

<[]>

Across several courtyards and surrounded by crowds of people, what was supposedly an eyeful upon spotting Clarke in her navy-blue jacket, red sash wrapped around her neck, and knee-high boots quickly became envy as Indra’s second shifted into her view. Either way, Lexa was just happy that they seemed content in each other’s presence.

Kimberly, though still young at the age of 16, was a bright youngster with a warrior’s heart. Though she wasn’t the most familiar with him, she could immediately understand where Indra saw potential in the Asian boy and with his long dark hair, up straight features and reasonable stature, he looked to be as fit as anyone among her ranks.

Watching them train, she began to picture herself in his position, perhaps her chest leaning flush against Clarke’s back, hand guiding over hand and legs crossing in-between legs.

But in the short time that she was present, it had already caused a stir in the standing crowd and when cobalt suddenly locked in with emerald, Lexa swooned at the sight of Clarke’s lips quirking up into a rare smile. She couldn’t help but reciprocate, noticing how the rosy shade of the girl’s cheeks managed to match the now cerise complexation in her hair. It must be from the physical exertion, she thought.

Lexa had her eyes trained on Clarke’s as she approached the hushed crowd, giving everyone else the gesture to disperse back into their training. She only adverted her gaze once she came face to face with Kimberly, who quickly dipped his head in respect.

“How is the training coming along?”

This appears to lighten up the boy’s tense posture and exclaimed. “Oh Heda, she may look timid, but I assure you she is swift on her feet, and um, since she had most of the wielding basics down, we have just been working on refining her on stance.” The boy turned back to Clarke. “Claire, you said that you had prior training is that correct?”

Clarke’s head quickly perked up in response, nodding eagerly along.

Lexa rolled her eyes. She didn’t even understand why she would lie about her name but decided to play along regardless. “So, Claire huh? What a fitting name.”

The girl’s smile quickly changed into a glare, but Lexa decided to goad out this lie a little further

“And where did you learn how to sword fight, Claaaire?”

“My friend Octavia and um, she learned it from a grounder at a nearby village.”

She could feel the mood starting the dim, not missing the way Clarke cringed ever the slightest from having to say that name out loud. Lexa wanted to know more but at the same time, patience was a virtue,

Lexa gave a nod of acknowledgment and turned to face the young boy who still stood in the same position. “I am gratified for your assistance as is Clark- Claire I am sure, but today’s session end here”

“Wait, what?" After blurting out in distraught, Kimberly's eyes widened. “I’m so sorry. As you wish Heda,”

Seeing the boy’s mood taper off almost made her reconsider but the blonde certainly was one for being on the optimistic side today. “Don’t worry Kim, Heda will allow us to train another time, right?”

Lexa gave them a swift nod and immediately noticed the gleam in his eye. She thought to herself that maybe them getting along wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Clarke needed a friend here.

After watching the boy exchange farewells with Clarke and sauntering off, she turned back to the girl standing idly by, noticing the white bandage wrapped around her forearm. “Your arm holding up ok?”

“I’m guessing the meeting today hadn’t gone smoothly?” Clarke blatantly ignored her question with a question of her own. Lexa, on the other hand, was surprised to find that she wasn’t entirely annoyed.

“Because you look terrible”

The girl's tongue peeked out cheekily between her teeth and maybe now she was a little angry. Just a little.

“Are you looking for trouble? Because if you want a to challenge, I can make you look beyond just terrible.” Lexa friskily warned though her words stirred uneasily in her stomach as an afterthought. She really hoped that what she said hadn’t reminded Clarke of their recent history in that valley.

Clarke seemed oblivious to it all and she suspected that it was possibly just another facade shielding over her true feelings.

“Sure, if it will help you make yourself look better” Clarke piped with fiery confidence.

Lexa would be lying if she said that she didn’t enjoy seeing this haughty side of Clarke come to life. “Well then, if you insist. Need a sword?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I know that i promised two things for this chapter but the the plot I had planned was longer to write than I thought. Also I need sum feedback on how y'all thinking I have paced this story so far because I think I have too much action in these few chapters and mb I need to calm down a bit. Anyway stay tuned!


	5. Tormenting tempests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke with red hair while wearing a red scarf lights up my day.

“Heeiiida, Is that like your name?” The foreign girl questioned the foreign word through foreign lips.

“It’s Heda, meaning commander.” Lexa corrected not before a thought suddenly took her over. “But if you manage to graze any part of me with this sword I’m about to give you, then you can call me by a name of your choosing.” Her words bellowed, rousing the presence of a growing crowd. Taking a sweep around, some who gathered which now included more than just the warriors at the pits hooted while others looked bemused to who exactly this strange girl was to get such a reaction from their commander.

Even Clarke seemed a little shocked herself, taking the occasional chance to skim across the vast collection of villagers. “And if you win?” She then nervously mouthed.

Lexa had a wicked glint in her eyes as she leaned in just far enough within hearing distance of the girl. “Let’s make this interesting, when you are no longer holding this sword,” She hands the sword to Clarke and snatches a wooden staff from a nearby weapon stand for herself. “There won’t be any complaints to your place on the bed tonight.”

As a shameful afterthought, Lexa awkwardly hoped that she didn’t get the wrong idea but then again, what the right idea at this point anyway.

“If you manage to.” Clarke feistily corrected, her nerves momentarily forgotten.

Smirking, Lexa backed to where she stood at a fair distance signaling the commencement of this contest of skill.

Having already seen the girl fight, there was no need to discern that despite Clarke’s nimble movements, the girl lacked overall strength and endurance. With the wind smoothly picking up, fanning up the girl’s unruly hair, she humored herself with the thought that a particularly strong gust may blow her away altogether with just how delicate she is.

Lexa observed as Clarke clandestinely tilted her head upwards, sneaking a glance towards the early afternoon sky. Bright sunlight can blind if it's at the right angle and forcing your opponent to have the sun in his or her eyes will make it much harder to see you.

“You know, getting me to face the sun and all, it's charming.”

Clarke only stared back with a blank face and Lexa chuckled to herself. Not wanting to leave her people waiting, she charged in, staff trailing behind and closed the gap in no time. Her fingers tightened around the wooden pole and she swung diagonally up as opposed to the usual overhead slash most people open with. As expected, Clarke was caught off guard and immediately scrunched her sword in front of herself as best as she could before bouncing back, avoiding further confrontation.

The girl was no novice at first glance, but still far from anything more. It was the way she pranced around on nimble feet her just like back in that valley that caught her eye. She was too graceful, meticulous, and beautiful with the way her hair danced with the wind. Not at all suited for the brutally rough battles Lexa had experienced throughout her years. Definitely not a fighter at heart but perhaps an exceptional dancer in another lifetime. War is not melodious nor alluring, war is chaotic and filled with loss.

The next time, she went in for another strike, Clarke didn’t back down, countering the blow and pushing the staff out of the way before aimlessly flailing her sword to hopefully catch a piece of her armor. It appeared as if the girl made no attempt to force her in facing the sun, in fact, it felt as if she was trying to do exactly the opposite with the way she kept on angling her body against the direction of the light. The rowdy crowd behind her urged empowered her but Lexa kept her attention solely focused on Clarke and her thoughtful expression which still remained on her face.

Lexa wasn’t going to give her any more time than she needed to and twirled the staff around her hands twice before charging in. Usually, Lexa would have no problem winning these types of fights, but the girl kept retracting her own sword out of her reach after each block or parry, knowing that it was her own sword and not her body that was at stake. Either way, despite the numerous missed opportunities, Lexa hasn’t even allowed Clarke’s sword to get within a foot of her body yet.

After another round of exchanges, the girl’s eyes suddenly gleamed with anticipation when their weapons clashed for the nth time. This time, Clarke didn’t retract her sword, bracing her blade against the bunk of the staff, she sensed her golden opportunity but by the looks it so did Clarke. Just when Lexa’s free hand reached for the cross of their conjoined weapons to wrestle the blade away, she caught the metal blade before her tilt ever the slightest before being blinded by a glare of light. The crowd gasped, and Lexa instinctually staggered back in the nick of time. Still recovering, she squinted desperately trying to make out her surroundings while Clarke was looking very pleased of herself. The girl turned her blade, thrusting forward to tap at her opponent’s unprotected midsection.

Ah, how little she must think of me, Lexa thought as she sidesteps, narrow avoiding being touched. Relying on her feel alone, she pinned the handle of the blade to her hip with her hand, effectively subduing the girl before flipping her as gently as she could over her shoulder and on to the ground.

Lexa turned around and saw Clarke, holstered on her elbows, frowning back at her as ‘that momentary gleam of victory vanished from her eyes. The crowd went crazy, unifying in cheers but Lexa was sure that most of them had no idea of what even just happened.

“Had enough?”

Clarke threw an appalled look in her direction. “You threw me.”

“I unarmed you.” Lexa corrected before cooing. “Though you did catch me off and not just anyone can catch the commander off guard” If only she knew how surprised she actually was.

Lexa took in the moment to absorb how the girl looked only gloomy again and sighed. “Avoid stabbing movements with your sword. It’s a terrible move most of the time and it will only make you very vulnerable to your opponent. You should only ever use the stabbing move when your opponent is incredibly vulnerable.”

“You were…” Clarke pouted, bottom lip pushing forward.

“Uh- well someone who is not me.”

As Lexa made her way over, her heart tugged painfully to see the girl flinch away. Understandably, the last time this happened, she had my sword raised high above Clarke’s head. She exhaled calmly and held out a hopeful hand as she did back at that cell, but the girl brushed it off dismissively instead. Pushing herself up, Clarke scanned around as if to look for something and reached down to grab the sash that Lexa didn’t even realize had fallen off and wrapped snuggly it around her neck. In the short time that she has received it, it appears that the girl has taken quite a liking to her sash.

“This is not a scarf, Clarke. But if you want one-.”

Clarke must have thought that she was making a move to take it away because her hands quickly came to up to hood the material protectively. “No, I don’t want another one, this one is fine.”

“No, I wasn’t- never mind.” She said knowing that there was still a lot of clearing up between the two of them.

Suddenly, they were both engulfed and separated by the flood of people who have stayed around. Lexa herself received many gentle pats and praises while she spots a fair share of people gathering around Clarke as well. Lexa usually dealt with the excessive attention in public just fine, bending down to coo at little children and smiling back at the familiar faces who offered their hand in reverence but then she looked over. Her smile had instantly dropped dead. Of course, the 10 out of the 12 or so people surrounding Clarke, who looked in panic would be all men who just appeared to be a tad bit too handsy for their own good.

She slipped between the sea of bodes, veering her way over to the unsuspecting circle of people. When Lexa broke through, she snagged the girl’s arm roughly. Clarke spun around, and relief settled across both their faces.

Lexa couldn’t ignore the erratic beating of her heart when she led the way, their linked hands beneath her long coat concealed from the prying eyes of others.

<[]>

With the sunlight waning, dusk was right on its heels and what felt like minutes quickly passed by the hours. Lexa didn’t know when she had finally drifted away, her insecurities momentarily forgotten. The last thing she remembered was how perfectly peaceful it was in that room with Clarke positioned close by on the bed, legs dangling over the side, her attention locked on to a picture in her hands.

Dreams are like water, taking on the shapely image from the experiences of its beholder while also being impossible to truly grasp. The dreams she encounters rarely end quietly and yet this time, she found herself laying on a bed of ferns within the night, gandering up… at the moonlight peeking through the forest canopy. The way the faint light illuminated her eerie surroundings was a mesmerizing experience. Gradually, she noticed the moon slowly turning into a darker and a more murderous shade of red. It seemed that wherever her dreams went, the nightmares seemed to follow, and she braced herself for the worst. It was the first few droplets splashing on her face that made her realize it had begun drizzling. One droplet made its way into her eye and she blinked in a startled response. The moment she opened her eyes, that was when she knew her nightmare had started.

 _Her vision was filtered red… with blood_.

_The blood moon was crying blood. All the bloodshed she caused now haunted all at once. She tried to get up, only to find that her arms and legs were firmly held to the bound by the ferns and vines, once soft and delicate. She opened her mouth to cry out, but nothing ever came, only the sound of herself choking on blood. She gripped harder on to the vines…_

“PLEASE STOP!” Comes the cry that finally snapped her out it.

Lexa’s eyes sprung open, jolting awake. She was not on the ground but laying disheveled in her own bed, her hands were not holding on to a thick vine but to another hand. Then she noticed Clarke from beside the bed, her upper body bowed over their conjoined hands which Lexa had realized that she was crushing. Cringing, she lightened her grasp instantly but didn’t let go just like how traces of her vision hadn’t quite let go of her.

“Are you alright? You were tossing, turning, and when I reached out, you snatched away my hand.” Clarke looked up and tried to put on a feeble smile through her inexpressive pain.

Lexa respired in just how selfless this girl was, not knowing whether it was better to reach forward and console her or just leave it be. In the end, her heart won out and she thoughtlessly pulled the girl’s hand to her own eager lips.

Clarke’s breath hitched, and Lexa drew back promptly. She really wanted to convey her gratitude at the girl for pulling her out of her own nightmare before it escalated into something far more abysmal and that was just the best thing she could come up with.

“Uh- is- is the healer coming again?” Clarke tried hard to change the subject, gently covering over the part that Lexa kissed with her other hand.

“He will be coming this afternoon to check on your bandages.” Lexa groggily responded still in the process of waking up now that the tempests had worn off. Without even having to look up, she could sense the thoughts radiating off the girl, filling the spacious room. To think that thoughts are supposed to be silent.

“He knows you Clarke and you know him. You are not scared of him, are you?” Lexa pondered at the thought of the gentle giant throwing a tantrum, but the thought came invariably short. The silence that followed was suffocating but she wasn’t giving up easy this time.

“You have to open up and face your demons.” Wise words for someone who almost drowned in a nightmare just a minute ago.

You faced those demons valiantly Lexa.

For a second, Clarke’s eye flared up as if what she said had hit a sensitive spot and spit back. “What would you know about my demons?”

Lexa sighed. “I may be wrong, but I believe I share a part of that with you.” That much was very true.

Clarke turned around to glare Lexa in the eye but behind the fiery, it still felt as if she was looking straight dead into a wall regardless of how much she thinks she understands this girl.

“What are you hiding Clarke.”

“My hair, apparently” The girl jested, resolving the tension that had built up.

Why is she so infuriating? “Yes, your hair makes you a target but you know what I mean.” She retorted thinking that perhaps one day, they will get to the secret behind her god blessed hair.

“You know, I am still confused about what am I here for, if not to be useful to you.” The girl's eyes widened. "I can't be a slave..."

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Think of it this way, you are here to stay so that... others... don't get their hands on you. You are a guest here.”

She peeked over at the window. It was almost dark, so she sat up on the bed, feeling a little less worn out, and made her way over to the door.

“Who are the others- hey, where are you going?” Clarke sounded dismayed.

“I am going to request for some dinner for you and um… Nyko will come around in a moment.” Lexa looked back from over her shoulder. “You should talk to him as he will with you.”

Clarke sank down with a defeated huff. “Fine... Heda.”

Lexa stopped at the door, smiling to herself as she laid her forehead on a fist against the wooden frame. She knew that it wasn’t monumental, but they were at least making progress. That once impenetrable ice wall Clarke had built around herself was beginning to splinter along the edges.

“Its… Lexa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what chu think?  
> This chapter came out to be little short since it was supposed to be part of the last chapter but besides this, some of you may have noticed that I have put a on cap. Beware that this marker may change so expect sum hype in the future chapters!


	6. Convalescing pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths are finally revealed and some tears may be shed along the way.

Her presence had been required at first with the village’s closeness to the Skaikru perimeter but as much as Lexa wanted to delay the inevitability of leaving, she knew all too well that she had overstayed her welcome in TonDC.

 _A little longer wouldn’t hurt_ , Lexa consoled herself, tuning in to the soft inhales and exhales of the girl behind her back. It was scary with how difficult she is finding on detaching herself from this place, made even scarier as to why she is feeling this way because of a special someone, whose mere presence reeks of trouble. Those suspicious murmurs she heard during that last summit some days ago, and the recent replacement of the Azgeda ambassador had been all leading up to something terrible and Lexa couldn’t help but be reminded of the parallels within that awful dream. Blood moons signal every start of an apocalypse and the news she got yesterday of two other Skaikru barreling into their gates was only the beginning.

Reassuring as it is seeing how the girl hasn’t made any moves to escape or display any intents of returning to her people, her insecurities were really getting the best of her. Watching Clarke slowly transition out of her broken self initially was something valuable in itself. She’d like to think the village children made a big part of that possible. The healer was right, after all, Clarke seemed to attract the attention of children wherever she goes, making it seem as if she were a few years younger herself. 

And when no one else was around, the little shoulder nudges here and there, the way Clarke would watch her with those blue eyes that generate natural calamities of typhoons and hurricanes while perfectly-being at ease, the way her lips would curve upwards before sneaking her fingers inside to link their hands whenever she’d be led to different places, and the way the girl would draw out the ‘ah’ at the end of her name, almost like an erotic moan making Lexa feel things, blissful things.

She didn’t want to lie to the girl but having her know that two of her potential friends was in this very village being celled up would most likely trigger a yearning to go back that she may never be able to control, destroying all of the progress she had done to keep her here.

“Lexa, they’re beautiful.” If the sound of Clarke’s exasperated, yet sleepy voice didn’t stir her thoughts enough, the tingle of a velvety finger tracing along her shoulder did more than it needed to jolt Lexa back into reality.

Wandering away from her cloud of thoughts, Lexa wanted to say _you are beautiful_ but decided that now was not the time. “If you meant the tattoos, they are there to cover scars.”

The drowsy feelings just kind of happened over time in the short moments that they’ve spent together in her room, sharing her bed at nights and just sleeping. The nightmares didn’t stop but after waking up several nights in a row to the sounds of lament next to her, Lexa realized they were one of the same, holding on to each other for any sense of security and purchase within this broken world.

_Maybe the girl had it even worse._

The commander served the people and there wasn’t much else to it. Desires are forbidden, and her duties come first but she was still just another person in this world with emotions as tangible as anyone else. It brought up the realization that she really did yearn for this kind of romantic intimacy after all those years to commanding alone.

Memories of the last time she refused to sleep in alongside the girl on the bed kept coming back to her. It was Clarke, who decided to latch her whole body onto Lexa’s arm, hugging it close to her chest like a koala to a tree branch until the commander finally relented. Long story short, the eyeful of cleavage Lexa received when looking down combined with the supple sensation of something squishy rubbing up and down against her arm sent her spirits soaring higher than the gates of heaven. Her resolve has its limits and she just couldn’t let herself go down like that. Death by seduction. How embarrassing.

“Scars that never healed…” Clarke droned off with a trail of blues. “um, the spiked snake?”

It took a while before her thought process finally hit the mark. “Dragons,” she emphasized, “are revered creatures in her- um, Asian culture, creatures of wisdom, strength, and power. You've never heard of them?"

When Lexa heard Clarke only hum in response, she continued. "It was a special gift from someone special, that it would protect me on the fights to come but little did she know, I was never the one that needed protecting.” She trailed off wanting nothing more than to let the accidental slip carry her thoughts into another forlorn oblivion.

“You felt something for her,” Clarke whispered. The girl knew to be cautious at the right times, but it still struck a nerve inside her. “What was her na-”

“I did, but I don’t feel anything now,” Lexa replied coldly, expecting nothing more than for Clarke to draw away but the hand never left her shoulder. She thought back to why she was kept awake this morning and the feelings of regret suddenly ran a little too deep.

“Clarke there’s something I have to tell you.” Lexa breathed. “But first I need to know what you meant that time when you mentioned how everyone wanted you… you know… because if you meant my people, they-”

“No, not them. But if they do, I can understand.” Clarke reassured through a shadowy smile, but Lexa wasn’t buying it.

“Clarke… do you sometimes miss your people?”

The girl’s head suddenly perked up, as if sensing her failed attempt at concealing apprehension. “Lexa, what are you not telling me.”

Lexa huffed, knowing that the girl had probably mistaken the cue as her changing her mind about attacking the Skaikru. Either way, she had to give her something. “Just yesterday, two people wearing Triku garbs requested entry from outside our gates. They claim to bring urgent information. Indra said she recognized one to be Lincoln.”

At this, the girl sat up even further and retracted her hand, “Wait was the other one a girl?”

Great, they know each other. Sighing, she responded. “Yes, though she refused to give her name.”

“No, her name is Octavia, I am sure.” Clarke was already getting off the bed and Lexa rolled around to face her.

A second was all it took for her memory to joggle back in time. Lincoln and Octavia were both names she’d heard before. Lincoln being the one Nyko mentioned having gone rogue, joining along with the Skaikru and Octavia… well, the brief mentioning of her name had cast a long shadow on Clarke’s face before. She remembered that part perfectly. “Are you sure about this?”

“Of course, I do! And why didn’t you tell me earlier, they aren’t hurt are they, and uh, do they know I’m here?” The girl was starting to panic, and it almost didn’t seem natural for her to be this stressed.

“Clarke listen to me. They came asking for me as if they knew I would be here. They could be on to something.” She sat up and placed both her hands on the sides of the girl’s face and steeled her voice. “Perhaps it would be best for you to stay in my room.”

“No, I really would like to see them… please.” Clarke quickly objected.

Though Lexa knew that she would most likely do the same if their roles were to be reversed, she still couldn’t help the slight feeling of betrayal that pierced through her heart. Standing up, Lexa grasped Clarke’s forearm a little too harshly.

“Fine then.” She hissed in irritation with an undertone of sadness. “But you are to stand behind me but... not a word.”

<[]>

Back in that hall within the central building of TonDC, the arrangement was set in a way almost mirroring her last confrontation. Except for this time, she ordered for there not to have a platoon of warriors circling this place, only a few chosen guards holding the two bagged prisoners kneeled to the ground before herself.

Clarke was held firmly behind her by Indra while Gustus stood on the other side, his bearded statue never fails to strike an imposing image.

“What is your business stepping foot into this village” The big man pronounced loud and clear. The guards maintained their silence, but she could tell by subtle changes in the air of their lingering aggravation. This was Indra’s village and if she assures that her guards would disclose the information regarding Wanheda, then nothing else should really matter.

“My business is only with the commander and I won’t speak until I see her for myself.” It was the girl who answered first, defiance in her voice.

Lexa’s jaw twitched.

“Please excuse her.” Immediately came the muffled voice from the other bagged man. “We are in need of assistance.”

“And why would I spar a warrior for you sky people?” Lexa decided to speak instead, her voice enough to freeze the both of them.

“Because of the Azgeda, they have surrounded us.”

Gasps could be heard from everyone in this room and Lexa even felt her own mouth part just the slightest.

“Lift their bags off.” Lexa finally commanded.

The bags came off to reveal a dark-haired girl, a young man with Triku tattoos across his bald head, Lexa saw the way the girl’s eyes quickly darted around about her surroundings like a hawk before zeroing on herself. The man seemingly took longer to adjust but by the time he locked sights on herself as well, Lexa saw both their eyes widen as they darted past behind her.

“Clarke, you’re alive, and you- your hair!” Octavia gasped.

Lexa noted how the girl sounded sincere at first, but her face remained ambiguous, almost irritated. She didn’t look back to catch Clarke’s tense composure though.

“Clarke,” Lexa took a menacing step over the girl, ”is none of your concern. You came bearing news of Azgeda and that will be all I am willing to hear.”

Octavia scowled back and scoffed, “And what is she to you, how is she now suddenly your concern?”

“Tavia, we didn’t come here for this!” Lincoln hissed under his breath but despite the man’s pleas, the dark-haired girl didn’t stop with her struggling and Lexa wondered whether all Sky people were this stubborn. She heard some movement from behind before a soft hand latched on to hers.

“let me talk to them, please,” Clarke whispered worriedly from behind her ear.

Lexa turned around to stare the girl down but had only managed to make herself look more vulnerable.

“Stay where you are.” If she came off as being a little too harsh, so be it, though she still gave the girl’s hand a little squeeze in reassurance.

Lexa heard Indra scoffed behind her back, but she also caught Octavia narrowing her eyes at their brief interaction, darting back and forth from Clarke to herself with a dubious glare.

“A week ago, some Azgeda approached our camp in the trying to strike a trade deal for our weaponry and ‘tech’.” Lincoln finally broke the silence.

Lexa lips parted even further. She had never considered such a dangerous possibility and with the feud between their people, it would have only added to this growing wild factor with Azegda’s growing army.

Octavia finally sighed, letting go of whatever she was thinking before. “At the time we were in need the food and supplies they had in stock. Many were still hesitant knowing the recent turn of events with the ground folks, but they didn’t look to have come around here with their facial scarring, white face paint, and heavy fur clothing.”

Lexa could stop but growl at the revelation, white-knuckling the sleeves of her sweater. “The Ice Nation are militaristic and cruel. Nia will stop at nothing to break down this coalition, and once that happens, your people will be mere poppets under her rule.”

Octavia, on the contrary, seemed rather nonchalant, giving a glance towards Lincoln’s direction. “I am glad you think so little of us commander. Lincoln already told me everything to know about their violent history but to what I have witnessed firsthand, this ice queen still sounds warmer than you.”

By now, Lexa had already endured enough of this Octavia and was halfway through her gesture to have them taken away before…

“She isn’t, I-” Clarke suddenly blurted out before catching on to her slip up.

It wasn’t like anyone was moving in that hall, but the eeriness at the moment just became that much more obvious upon those words. Lincoln raised an eyebrow and Octavia’s jaw half dropped before her expression turned in a new kind of cruel. Lexa, on the other hand, was standing smugly with her hands behind her back, slightly regretting the prior order she gave to Clarke.

“Oh, what is this, have you gone soft from your absence?” Octavia’s taunt sounded off-putting without a trace of care or regard. “She was the one to send those assholes to kill us!”

“Tavia!” Lincoln warning a little louder and this time, the girl’s remark had earned the glare of every single one standing in that room fleeting in her direction.

“Get her out of my sight,” Lexa commanded coolly, it was a long time coming and she didn’t want another second wasted to see the girl taken away.

“Gladly.” Gustus husked, his massive figure looming past.

“Send her to the gates and nothing more.” Lexa curtly whispered to the man, stopping him in his tracks. “Do you understand?”

Gustus only answered with a grumble and roughly holstering the girl up while she violently thrashed around in her restraints. “Get your hands off of me.” Were the dark-haired girl’s last words before her voice was muffled by the bag thrown over her head.

She ignored the persistent tugs at her sleeve and had to notion behind to Indra who immediately stepped in and pulled Clarke back. She was beginning to feel dizzy.

“She will not be harmed.” Lexa’s message was meant for both Clarke and Lincoln who had the color drained from his face for a second there. “Unless you start giving me what I want to know. I am sure you respect our culture better than, your companion.”

Lincoln was just only beginning to catch his breath. “They told us that they would be back the next days for a more wise decision after Octavia and I convinced the other council members to refuse but they never came back. ” Lincoln tirelessly explained. “I thought that had been the end of it but throughout this past week, our border patrol kept spotting activity around the area along with the increasing number of their sigils we saw plastered on the trunks of our trees. I fear to be the start of something bigger than we initially thought. It was already hard enough for us to reach TonDC… I don’t think they ever meant to give us a choice Heda.”

After taking a second to absorb this information, Lexa finally had the opportunity to glance briefly at Clarke standing idly behind. The girl looked very worried, but Lexa was sure that the feeling was mutual.

“How can I trust you Lincoln, Kom Triku.” Lexa scanned his face for any signs of deceit.

But the man only looked surprised with a hint of awe, like being recognized was an honor to him. “You can’t.” He countered. “But I can only hope that you do, for all of our people.”

“Heda, he means well.” Indra stepping in, surprising both her and Clarke who now stared at the older women like she was divine.

For some reason, under the familiar gleam in the eyes of her second general, Lexa suspected that they had a deep history. “Then so be it, I will send scouts to investigate before the end of today. Expect word from me soon.”

As everyone else was leaving, Clarke’s hopeful face came into view in front of her again and Lexa already had a feeling as to what the girl would request. Quite frankly, it was time for her to wise up from her gluttony and present the girl with a choice. She sent the girl one last lingering look.

“If want to see your friends, they are waiting by the gates,” Lexa said anxiously, not knowing what to expect. She didn’t want to stay on the optimistic side as it’s those naïve expectations that hurt the most. In her mind, she expected nothing more than for Clarke to run off without looking back but when she felt a soft hand slip into hers, the tightening in her chest considerably loosened and all her worries momentarily disappeared. Sometimes, it’s the small things that make a difference.

“Lexa, are you meditating?”

Lexa’s eyes fluttered open to see the girl peering slightly up at her with a cheeky smile. At the moment, she couldn’t contain her flush, not at all realizing that her mind had been playing tricks and sending false images into her head this entire time.

"C' mon lets go together," Clarke said.

<[]>

It’s been a while since Lexa’s been lingering with her escorts around the tent that she so generously offered as a means for them to catch up with one another away from prying eyes. And It’s also been two weeks since she “saved” Clarke. Two weeks of the girl sword train with Kimberly in the fighting pits and discuss medical jargon with Nyko for hours at a time in his medical bay. Two weeks of the girl unraveling the most enclosed parts of her heart bit by bit and all she can really think about right now are ways to express farewell because as much as she didn’t want to, her mind toggling through the soft feel of her hair, the topaz of her eyes, and the curvy plump of her lips had only felt like raising false hope.

However, the relative quiet conversation she was able to tune out from was abruptly disrupted.

“Oh princess, don’t lie to yourself. Just admit that life with your heartless suitor is wonderful while we’ve been forced to cower behind walls because of a threat we didn’t even know existed. Did any sense of responsibility simply leave you after you scorched Bell?” It was definitely the one they call Octavia, the blaring tone in her voice lined with ire, even disturbing a few of the guards standing some distance away. She could hear Lincoln struggling to calm the girl down, firing rapid warnings and just as she was about to take matters into her own hands, Clarke comes bursting out of the tent

The blonde’s face was flushed red as she turned back with a deep scowl. “No, but I would do it all again if it means saving the rest of us.” Lexa doesn’t think she’s even seen her eyes this ice-cold as the girl storms off without even a glance in her direction. _Storming off away from the gate_ , she realized with a renewed sense of euphoria, giving one of her guards the command to trail the blonde before turning her full expectant attention back to the two shuffling out of the tent.

The brunette looked dejected, guilty even, a drastic contrast to the tantrum she had just unleashed earlier. Lexa doesn’t think she’ll forget being indirectly called heartless, but it was also one of the rare times she got a glimpse into the girl’s unspoken past from someone else’s perspective.

As Octavia dragged her feet, the girl’s hooded eyes flickered over her before doing a double-take. Lexa followed as the brunette’s hands immediately moved to her hip without a conscious, presumably where her confiscated sword had been all the while taking a few careful steps backward. Lexa only looked on with disregard, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You better treat her well,” was all Octavia said before sauntering towards the gate.

Expecting just another sassy remark, seeing evidence of pain on her face was so unexpected that she didn’t even notice Lincoln approaching until the man was standing right on the front of her face. “Heda, may I have a word?”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “About?” At least the man had formalities.

Lincoln motioned his head at the direction Clarke had stomped off and Lexa immediately stilled upon the unexpected request. She gave the man a brief nod.

“Whatever happens, I think its best that the girl stays with you.” Seeing the commander’s brow furrow, Lincoln visibly gulped, seemingly looking to choose his next words wisely. “The people back at our camp especially the original ones that first came down don’t really have the best impression of her. Not anymore.”

“The ones who burned my village and my people.” Lexa inserted without a second thought, but she let the man continue.

“Right… I was there on that day, perched on a tree. I have never felt so torn, seeing the hundreds of warriors surrounding the people in that small camp, hearing the shots being buried beneath all the shouting and roaring.” Lincoln sneaked a glance around, relieved when his eyes landed on the brunette standing at a good distance away and leaned in slightly. “As you probably heard just now, she had a brother, Bellamy, who was apparently still out along with the many others that I saw when the flames engulphed everything.”

Lexa tried to suppress the many different emotions hitting her from all directions. It’s all slowly starting to make sense to her.

“She says Clarke pulled that lever and she says she blames her for his death, but I suspect that there is more to it than that. Octavia is brave.” Lincoln states fondly. ”But she is conflicted and seeing Clarke after thinking that the girl had been dead for weeks… she just wasn’t herself today.”

Lexa nodded in understanding but there was one last thing plaguing her mind. “What of the rest of them, do they blame her too?”

Lincoln’s face scrunched up, his mouth forming a hard line. “Blame is easy to throw around when people have lost. It’s the one thing I don’t understand about their culture… they are just so unused to violence. When the rest of them crashed down from the sky, she was put through a trial. Many wanted her dead, but it was her mother that ultimately pardoned her sentence, instead to be exiled along with the rest of the criminals to go on resource missions I think. I am afraid that if she returns now...”

“They are going to kill her.” Lexa finished his sentence with dismay.

_It’s what they wanted anyway._

<[]>

It had been well past noon when Lexa finally decided to make her approach.

She tells herself it’s to give the girl some time to settle but the same could be said about herself. She needed time to process after all with the Azgeda now apparently on the horizon, time to retrace her steps, cleanse her mind of trivial matters, and focus on what had been real.

_Clarke is real, and Clarke is to stay._

Lexa had known the moment Clarke stormed off that girl would be hiding in her room. Just a feeling is all.

Standing outside her room, the slim opening of the door gave her a narrow perspective the dim room inside. She slipped inside through the crack soundlessly already sensing a shallow presence.

Adjusting to the darkness, her eyes immediately locked with the humanly figure. Lexa’s presumption didn’t fail her and she was relieved that is was, in fact, Clarke with her back against the bed. The blonde herself looked so small with her legs munched to her chest, a resemblance the way she curled up in that cell. On her knees draped the red sash that had almost become like a prized possession to the girl these days, her hands tracing over the interweaved details and patterns on the fabric. Lexa didn’t miss the way it looked damp beneath her hands. Other than that, Clarke stayed perfectly still, staring at nothing, wearing another one of her blank expressions. Lexa knew that she looked as haunting as she was haunted.

The more she gave it thought, the more the pieces seem to come together. Hell, the truth had been right in front of her since the first time she put a knife against the girl’s throat but given the frenzied nature of that situation, she never considered the implications. The blonde was good at blocking others out, protecting herself with layer upon layer of internal ramparts against the demon which resided in her heart, the heart of her struggles she buries deep inside. Lexa recognized that no matter how many walls you build around, it will never stop clawing its way back out, eventually ripping apart a person from the inside out. The pretend smiles, the cover that used to reside behind the blonde’s eyes, it was all an instance of her attempts to conceal over her pain.

Lexa’s approach was light, careful to not startle, and crouched precariously to sit beside Clarke.

“You should see the way Indra glowers at me when she sees you wearing that.” Lexa probs at an attempt to lighten the mood.

“You should see the way she glowers at me like I am three steps below worthless.”

Lexa held her breath, seeing the redness around her eyes, drawing the connection to the damp spot on the sash. She should have known that it wouldn’t be easy. It put her off more than it should be seeing the girl’s lips curve up into a bitter smile.

The smile was chilling.

“But it’s ok, I used to get that a lot.” Clarke turns to lock eyes with Lexa. “And maybe it’s time you stop pretending like it’s not true”

“Just stop.” Lexa inserts at once and it pains her to realize how she couldn’t bring her voice to sound more assertive.

Clarke didn’t turn away, but the smile has faded, and the blank expression is back. If it was already hard enough to decipher through the darkness, it had just been made harder seeing the girl’s eyes beginning to lose its gleam, its light. But there was always a reason why Lexa had felt so connected with her eyes since the day they meet on that battlefield.

“Your eyes are sad. Clarke.”

“Stop trying to figure me out,” Clarke shouts all of a sudden, a reminiscence of the tone she used at Octavia. “You don’t know me.”

Those last words had sounded rather uncertain.

“You are lost because you feel alone, with no one to turn to.” Lexa knew that she had hit home because the girl didn’t reply, instead, snapping her head away.

“Turn to me.” She said again, not intending for it to serve as a double meaning, but the blonde did slowly turn back eventually.

And there she was, Clarke with her last layer of defense crumbling away, eyes clear and dreary, totally transparent to the unseen eye, the real her. Her demure posture along with the susceptible expression she was displaying was devastating but as painful as it was to watch, Lexa had been waiting for this moment. The moment in which the blonde finally stopped holding her demons. The moment she finally stopped fighting them herself because no one can win against themselves. For a split second with the red already washing away slightly from her hair, she swore she saw the girl’s once azure eyes dulling into lifeless grey, her once lustrous gold hair, wilting into ashen white. Lexa blinked the sigh away and it was like nothing had changed at all.

“Do you want to talk about it,” Lexa asked, her heart rate picking up.

The girl wavered but before Lexa could reach out a steady hand, Clarke leaned forward seemingly without hesitation and she could do nothing else but to catch and accept. She brought one hand down over Clarke’s who still clutched the sash and, at that moment, letting go was the last thing on her mind.

“I killed Bellamy and half of my friends and yet Octavia… she still stood up for me against them and I don’t deserve it, she just… she was the only one and now she will probably never forgive me.” Clarke shudders, letting out a stifled sob into Lexa shoulder before crying with reckless abandon.

The confession rocked her emotional currents, getting to finally see the girl let go of herself. Lexa used a hand on the blonde’s waist to pull Clarke, whose breath was becoming erratic, ever closer into her own chest.

_Maybe the girl never wanted to leave._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright ppl, things are about to get SERIOUS.


	7. Darkly intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some melancholy flashbacks followed by some dubious intentions.

_“Is there a reason why you always come back for this kind of thing… it’s been the third time this spring if I can recall correctly, yes?”_

_Propped comfortably on the makeshift couch, Lexa roamed her eyes lazily around the shop, then letting them close, fully immersing herself in this dreamy moment. She could never be able to get enough of this place with her around. “I think you are quite aware as to why.” Lexa breathed in, letting the florae essence soothed her mind._

_She heard a small chuckle across from her, ”Always the romantic. The people in my village, they talk you know.”_

_“Then let them.”_

_The silence that pursued wasn’t uncomfortable nor forced._

_“I swear if you hurt yourself on purpose just to create the opportunity to come back.”_

_This time is was Lexa’s turn to laugh, the sound wonderfully coloring up the little workplace. “The opportunity creates itself.” She peps easily._

_“Lexa.” The subtle warning interweaved into the older girl’s voice was serious but thrilling. “Every time you come, there is a new scar somewhere on your body.”_

_“Shhh.” Lexa shushed through closed eyelids, relinquishing herself to the feel of the Asian girl’s cool hand gliding over her skin like a winter breeze gliding over frozen waters. She shivers._

_“These are all new.” Lexa heard the tattooist painfully utter as the hand skimmed across the exposed parts of her shoulder. “Do they hurt?”_

_“They used to, but I am not affected by a little pain.”_

_In truth, she’d become quite accustomed to it._

_“Well, it affects me.” Then the feel of her hand was gone. “Probably more than it will ever physically affect you.”_

_Lexa tensed and cracked open her eyes. It always started like this. “These scars,” she motioned across her exposed body, “will always be an inevitable part of myself. As a commander.”_

_The older girl followed her notion over the binds, blemishes, and bruises but stopped to gaze at the rather jagged scar on Lexa’s bare shoulder that she had barely grazed over earlier. “Your body is not unbreakable, Lexa” She sighed. “It’s soft…”_

_One look in the girl’s direction and she was certain as to the foreseeable outcome of this quarrel, just like the last time they argued, and the time before that. She endeared her like no one else, her being the one to casually walk up and offer her tattooing services with a wide grin when daunted with dozens of warriors twice her size standing behind Lexa’s back. She remembered that like it was yesterday, the winter chill, the village, the first impression._

_But nothing can pull people apart like war and Costia was everything that war was not. The concept of sacrifice was unfathomable to her and it had just begun to crack along the edges between the thin ice at which they call their relationship._

_“Then just this last time. For all times.”_

_If it was sorrow she felt in that moment, Lexa tried her best to suppress it from your voice._

 

There was nothing special about stirring awake to find the sky outside streaming on its final hours of daylight.

_After all, the darkness will settle soon and hopefully so will her._

There was nothing special about stirring awake to find a sky sent beauty, curled up in her arms with the waning sunlight sparkling up those fluttering eyelashes through seams of the draperies. Either special was not the phrase or did this moment feel rather delicate and fragile. Through a side view, the troubled expression Clarke always wears when asleep was not as obvious this time, the lines on her forehead not as firm, and the furrow between her brow not as hard. Unsurprisingly, the commander’s sash was still firmly grasped inside the blonde’s hands and her heart swelled a little just from the sight. The numbness in her legs was momentarily placed to the side.

“Promise me you won’t leave.” Lexa cooed knowing her plea would fall to deaf ears through the girl’s deep slumber. But the little twitch she felt from the body in her arms in response alarmed her to no ends and Lexa pinned her stare skeptically on the blonde just as her eyes began to flutter open. Clarke tilted her head just enough to gaze once at the commander before burrowing her way back into Lexa shoulder, melting into her like putty. Lexa had a feeling that the girl wasn’t as oblivious as she let on.

“You’re soft.” Clarke purrs.

Lexa’s qualms were quickly disrupted, and her body immediately hardens out of sheer self-conscious, suddenly very aware that her mind was swerving down memory lane. She coughs. “Someone used to tell me the same thing.”

As if sensing the tenseness, Clarke’s head shook against her shoulder, but it felt more like a nuzzle and she mews, “not just there,” in before sliding a hand up Lexa’s lower stomach, sending tiny shocks of electricity running across her skin, until finally reaching the heart of her chest. “Here.”

She didn’t know why it was relief she felt in that moment, but those words were spoken with so much genuine softness that Lexa didn’t even have the heart to attempt at a feeble denial. There was no longer that preexisting barrier between them and those initial feelings of liking and curiosity had now begun to surface into something more. Something real.

“Are they gone?” Clarke speaks again in a quiet voice.

Lexa assumed that it could only mean Lincoln and Octavia; responded with a slow nod. “You seem to be faring better now.”

“Just worried… still worried. But I must apologize first, for how I acted today in front of everyone.” Her already quiet voice dyed down even further to something of a murmur. “On front of you.”

Lexa ran her fingers through pink curls hoping to calm the girl back down. “Why? I only remember how you tried standing up for me.” She beamed inwardly at the recollection, ”and shutting up everyone else in the process.”

The blonde groaned in protest. “You have no idea how scared I was. I half expected Indra with slit my tongue out.”

“She wouldn’t.” She gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I think was secretly just as glad as I was.”

Clarke smiled at that, their eyes never leaving each other’s. She blinked, and Lexa wasn’t sure if she was seeing an illusion or was the girl’s face drawing closer.

But she did sure see the way the girl’s darkened eyes drifted downward with a look in what could only be described as a subtle kind of lust. Lexa took this as a cue to do the same, subsequently being drawn without a pause to the curvy plumpness of the blonde’s protruding upper lip and the little dimple in her chin underneath. She felt her heart jolt a little when a tongue darted out to wet those said lips before parting altogether. The hot breaths coming from Clarke were filling the air so dense with raw anticipation that Lexa forgot how to breath herself, being so consumed within the moment. There was no question to what this was and yet Lexa couldn’t will herself to do anything more than just stare. She felt like she was once again being encased in ice.

Then there was a knock on her door, effectively shattering that moment.

Lexa wished she hadn’t looked away because the second she turned her attention back, Clarke’s alluring visage was no longer hovering inches away, instead, the distance apart was becoming ever the more noticeable. The sigh Lexa let out sounded a little more disheartened than she intended; deciding upon not to ponder anymore about what would or couldn’t have just happened and seized the opportunity to grab hold of the girl’s waist before she could completely pull away. Clarke let out a surprised yelp when Lexa effortlessly lifted the girl off the ground, only faltering once from the initial numbness.

“I have called for a council with my generals before dusk settles in,” Lexa states stiffly as she turns around to place Clarke on her bed. “It’s probably what that was about. I think I am late.”

“Wait.” Clarke propped herself up by her elbows and looked up with eyes that could only be described in the dark as lonely and lost. “Are you coming back?”

Her voice was shy, and it was clear that the anxiety wouldn’t be gone any time soon. For all Lexa knew, Clarke, careful as she was, could still be dreading the day she makes the mistake that would lead her down into a similar fate. Or perhaps things weren’t as grim as she had thought, that engulfing the blonde in accepting arms had brought the girl something along with the sorts of security.

“You’ll probably be asleep by then. Don’t wait for me.”

When the girl only stared back, pouting just slightly, Lexa heaved a sigh. “I’ll have maids bring in some food and Nyko will come tomorrow morning with some more hair dye.”

Clarke’s face brightened but not by much, though she started to fiddle with the ends of her hair. “Yea some food would be nice.”

<[]>

Lexa creaked her door open to the sight of a vacant hallway outside. It wasn’t until she reached a corner, did Gustus’s bulk figure appear leaning against the other side of the wall, undoubtedly the one to have caused the earlier disruption. Lexa thought back to the complication of his actions and all those ‘could have beens’…

Exhaling deeply, she forced herself to pull her attention back to her general. Eyeing him up and down, Lexa was left confused and a bit on the skeptical side to why exactly he had taken upon himself to venture over now when he had remained distant all week. Had she only known him for a little while, she would have thought nothing of this was the man who she’d known since her ascension and she wasn’t about to let this go.

“Heda.” Gustus greeted with an uptight bow, a little stiffer than the usual.

“Gustus, you’ve been acting, unlike yourself.”

“Heda, excuse my manners, but I could say the same for you.”

There was a certain bite to his tone that bothered her, already getting a read on where he is trying to steer this conversation. But the worst part was that she didn’t even think that he was wrong. “Is that all you’ve come for?”

“No Heda, I’ve come to notify you of the reports.”

This got Lexa’s full attention. “Already? Isn’t it a half a day’s ride between from TonDC to their camp?”

“The rest are still headed that way, only a few have reported back, apparently having caught sight of Azgeda markings not far out from the border. They say the numerous markings are scattered irregularly and suspect of a bigger presence at bay.”

Just when she thought this week couldn’t be any more surprising, Lexa’s face twists in disbelief. “A presence within our border?”

Any mass movement of troops undeclared was an act of war and while Triku, situated between the ice nation and Skaikru, may have not been directly in the line of threat, they were no less in a dangerous situation. But still, this all didn’t connect “Indra had scouts surveying most of this land, how could they have not reported of this earlier, unless- “

“Yes, with their tracks disappearing without a trace and some signs of struggle, it’s likely that there was an ambush of some kind.”

As she gave the deduction some thought. roughly remembering Indra stationing groups of inexperienced trainees to scout the outskirts of the forests. “Does Indra know of this yet?”

“Yes, she had been at the gates.”

“Good, I’ll take my men and ride back for Polis to call for a summit as soon the other scouts arrive. You will stay here and act as an emissary with Indra’s warriors to defend TonDC if necessary.”

“I suggest you leave Wanheda here. You won’t be able to hide her in Polis, not for long anyway.”

“What?” She should have known that he had an underlining intention since the very beginning. “What are do you plan on doing with her?”

When the man only continued to remain solemn, Lexa turns her full attention and fixed a hard stare directly into his eyes. “Gustus, answer me.” She spoke slowly, articulating each word with meticulous malice as if daring him to lie to her face.

“This is for you Heda.“ He pauses. “I know you never truly believed in obtaining the power for yourself, but they do. They value the legends more than any other clan. They would kill for this kind of power.”

“You want to trade her off.” Lexa accuses darkly.

“The threat is ever-present, now that they are here Heda,” Gustus states, not wanting to concede. “This is something you shouldn’t ponder over, she has killed more people than you have in all the wars you have fought in.”

“She had also saved more than you know. The healing methods she brought, savaged medicine from their ships, safe childbirth practices for the promise of a generation.” While it may not have been as clear as day as to the reason why she didn’t just kill the girl out of sheer revenge and political prowess in that valley, just a very powerful feeling of forbearance barring her raging temptations, Clarke was beginning to prove time after time that she was… just a girl. Fearless, while tender, and strong, while vulnerable.

“The death of my people was on my hands as much as it was on hers.” She admits in a low whisper.

But despite her efforts, her general didn’t seem to see through to her reasoning, and Lexa didn’t expect him to. He frowned a little harder under his thick beard, furrowing her features, “Anya’s dust lays beneath the ring of fire because of her. She could never be buried, and she would never receive the proper warriors’ sendoff. All of because of her.”

The man knew to hit where it hurt most, shaking her more than she’d ever like to be shaken. Lexa was trying desperately to stay calm and collected but after everything, after the one-sided promises, the deep connection she has felt with the girl ever since the beginning, the blossoming of something special between them… letting anything happen to this girl was a thought unthought of. Something she had never felt so strongly about.

“Sacrificing her is not up to question and that is final.”

With the frown wiped bare form his face, only a cruel grimace was left, this was an expression Lexa had not yet seen from her general. “The Azgeda is here.” Gustus reiterates. “With their presence comes to a danger to you and this coalition. Her hair won’t stay red forever, the rumors will eventually escape and when they do get out, when this draws their attention, everything will be too late.”

“Then do your job and have my warriors ready to depart. The loyalty of Indra warriors is not your concern.” Lexa spoke as she stalked past the statue of a man before stopping in her tracks, “I called a meeting with Indra and her generals, I suggest you attend.”

<[]>

Gustus never showed up, in fact, he was nowhere to be found even after the meeting. There hadn’t been reported activity at the gates nor along the bordering wall. Probably snuck off to blow off steam she thinks, although something did feel awfully off about his untimely absence.

And so, Lexa walked through the halls with just short of a hundred things whirling around in her head. It was common during hectic times like these, but upon strolling through the doorway, only see the moonlight reflecting off a silvery outline perched on her bed, the whirling had just been amplified.

“Clarke!” Lexa said in surprise as she rushed over. It was already way past midnight but somehow, seeing the girl, very much awake and looking back at her with those big blue eyes like she had just been caught committing a naughty crime wasn’t exactly the most unexpected revelation in the world. The blonde wiggled a little to the side to make room as Lexa took a seat beside her.

“I was actually just about to try sleeping again.”

“You couldn’t before?” Lexa could just make out the girl’s droopy eyelids battling the sleep that must have dawned upon her a while ago. Everything about this felt like an unspoken confession.

_Not without you._

“Not really.” Clarke yawned. “you told me not to wait… it’s stupid I know.”

Lexa’s brow furrows. “Stop saying that. You’re not the only one who had to endure through sleepless nights alone.”

“No that’s not-, the girl huffs, “never mind.”

Lexa watches with a sense of repentance as Clarke lays back down to a side of the bed with her back turned away. She recalls back to what Gustus had warned her and to what was discussed at the meeting.

“Clarke.” Lexa doesn’t wait for a response, “I have to tell you something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gustus testing the waters of his loyalty? And Asian Costia bc why not :)


End file.
